"What do you think of this?" - A Constructive Criticism thread...

I started this thread for input on all different topics by other Christian young people. I hope it will be an Iron sharpening Iron experience for all of us.

So, what do you all think of this essay I wrote for a Pro-life essay contest?

(BTW: It's kinda long so if yo don't have time, don't worry about it!)

“To Be Their Voice”
By: Jordan Strang

Auschwitz. The very name drives a surge of horror through our minds as we remember that awful crime against mankind. It’s the German death camp of the holocaust where 1.3 million* human beings were brutally murdered in gas chambers, by starvation and through the torture of medical experiments. It’s one of the locations where Nazis horrifically killed many of the 6 million Jewish people murdered during the holocaust controlled by Adolf Hitler. Using work camps such as Auschwitz, he came close to exterminating an entire race of people. Auschwitz was also the site of the abominable “Selections”. New inmates came by train to the camp daily, but before they were admitted, camp leaders inspected them and took most of the children, the pregnant mothers, and the elderly to the gas chambers. Only about a quarter of the passengers from these daily trains survived these selections.

But we’re beyond that now… No one would ever again dare to commit such a heinous crime against the human race.

The awful reality is that both the above statements are false. Contrary to common thought, I believe America is currently involved in a mass scale holocaust. You don’t believe me? Just keep reading. Abortionist “Hitlers” are murdering our children, the heart and future of America, right now, all over our country. And the worst part is, they do it with complete legal protection. Since 1973 and the inception of Roe verses Wade, 55.9 million** children have been legally murdered. To claim it’s “okay” because they were unwanted, imperfect, or conceived in sin is futile. In so doing, we subject ourselves to the same argument used by the Nazis that resulted in the slaughter of a million young children. Those who were not “fit” for work were neither “fit” for life.

Although these children that are being murdered are from different backgrounds, ethnicities, and cultures there is still something that ties them together. They are Americans. They are the next generation of leaders, scientists, doctors, artists, writers… To take their lives only continues to tear our country down by taking away the largest blessing we have. Our children.

If you are age 40 or younger, your mother had a choice sanctioned by the laws of the United States of America. It was a choice that could have ended your life. Because of Roe verses Wade, she could have walked into an abortion clinic, and had you murdered. The fact that you read these words means that she chose life. Any one of us could have been missing today due to the appalling practice of abortion but by God’s grace, we aren’t. Should we not then chose life as well and fight for our fellow Americans who are yet unborn and whose voices cannot be heard?

The answer is, “We must.”

In every major city of our country, we can find Auschwitz death camps disguised as “Women’s Health Clinics” and dedicated to exterminating our children. It’s time to stand up, to protest these atrocities that are being committed against the future citizens of America, the country that upholds that our Creator has endowed us with the unalienable right to life. Please, I plead with you, do whatever you can. Speak out against abortion, protest outside of clinics, and publish your views of this barbarism on the Internet… We must issue forth a Clarion call to stand up and be their voice!

It’s time to make a difference!

Excellent post, Jordan. :) I can't think of any criticism at the moment, so it must be good. ;P

Great post, Jordan!

Huh…. I think I'll post my essay! :P

Great job, Jordan! :D

Yes…please post it :D

Great job Jordan!
Yes, Eden, post yours!!

Ok! Here goes! (it's for a pro life contest Jordan and I entered… the theme was Children, the Heart of America)

Children: the Heart of America
By: Eden Strang

One of the most incredible things that the Lord has blessed us with are children. These priceless little people are what we have to care for, to teach, to train up, and most importantly to love. In reality, they are the next generation of America… the next citizens, the next George Washington’s, and the next Alveda King’s. We love them at every stage of life… including the point of life within their mother’s womb.

Today, multitudes of the next generation of unborn American citizens are murdered at the hands of the abortionist. These precious unborn babies are somehow “unwanted” or “unplanned.” In the eyes of too many people, they are just little “blobs of tissue”… they aren’t even considered humans until they take their first breath. Life begins at conception and during the next nine months of these sweet unborn human lives, the most amazing development takes place within the womb. Psalm 139:14 says, “I will praise Thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.” We are made in the image of the LORD… knit together in the womb… by Him.

From the beginning of 2013 until now, the lives of 161,592.8* (and counting) children have been taken. They have been destroyed. Since 1973, when Roe vs Wade was passed, 55,933,608.6* (and counting) unborn children have been brutally murdered. This is completely corrupt.

And while these precious lives are being destroyed, so is our Nation. The heart of America is being cut. The next generation of America is being demolished.

Do people realize that they are killing the lives of the American people? Do they realize what they are doing to the lives of the unborn children…The Heart of America? Are the citizens of America even aware of what is going on around them? And if they are, do they even care?

Senator Rick Santorum says, *“…I believe that life is sacred…” and just as he believes this, so do I. We must get out there and fight for the precious lives of these unborn children. We must expose the horrors of abortion. We must expose that abortion is actually just “undercover” murdering of the lives of unborn, innocent children.

We must protect and speak up for the Heart of America…

Our Children.

Footnotes:
*Stats taken from: http://www.numberofabortions.com
*Quote taken from: http://2012.republican-candidates.org/Santorum/Abortion.php

Thanks for sharing…that was really good.

Both yours and Jordan's articles are really good!

Nice job, Eden! Very inspiring. :)

Jordan,
I read your essay two days ago, and just haven't had time to tell you how much I enjoyed it! You did a great job persuading and convincing the reader. I wish you all the best, and I hope you win:)

Also, thank you for starting this topic. I think it will prove to be very encouraging for us all:)

Eden,
Excellent essay, you really did great job informing and convincing the reader:) I wish you all the best in the contest, and I hope you win:)

Just sent it in today! (Prayer over it too!) :DD

So I would like some constructive criticism on the topic of how one knows if they are doing God's will? Can anyone give me advice or thoughts on how God's will is determined?

When I talked to Christopher Parkening about music, we also talked about God's will for a persons life… He gave me something from John Macarthur that was really excellent! I'll see if I can dig the quote up!

Excellent!

Looking forward to it:)

Okay! I found it! Actually, Kirk Cameron quoted this at the 2011 Bible Bee!

One funny thing John MacArthur said about this was: "You don't need to find the will of God… It's not lost!"

I'm interested to hear your perspective on this:

“How does a person making decisions know what is the will of God?”
“The will of God is not meant to be a secret we must uncover. God wants us to understand His will far more than we want to understand it. He always makes His will clear to those who seek it with an obedient heart.
Most of the real problem areas in the question of God’s will are settled for us in Scripture. The Bible reveals that it is God’s will for all of us to be:
Saved
(1 Timothy 2:3-4; 2 Peter 3:9)
Spirit-filled
(Ephesians 5:17-18)
Sanctified
(1 Thessalonians 4:3-7)
Submissive
(1 Peter 2:13-15)
Suffering
(Philippians 1:29; 2 Timothy 3:12)
If all those things are true in your life, you may do whatever you want. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart.” That means that if you are conforming to God’s will in all the five ways listed above, He will place in your heart desires that reflect His will.

This is so encouraging Jordan! It was absolutely what I needed to hear right now, as I have been confused about God's will vs. my own desires/ goals.

I appreciated the verses and insights you shared, and totally agree that God's will is not a secret. The concept of God giving us His desires when we are in accordance with His express will was new to me, and very enlightening. I've always thought that the desires we have in our hearts come from us and not God. And I have always read Ps37:4 as it saying that God will give me whatever my heart desires, and not as Him placing in my heart what He desires. I don't know how I could have misunderstood that meaning now, it is so clear.

For many years I have always questioned what God wants me to do with my life, and what His will is. I always thought that God's ideal will for all Christians is that they be full time missionaries, and give up all comforts and modern conveniences to do so. But now I'm realizing that God can use real Christians who can make a difference for Him in all areas of life. He wants our hearts to be conformed to Him so that He can use us in whatever area He choses for His glory. He gives us the desires of His heart, so that He can be glorified in everything we do.

The five parts of God's will are so amazing. God has made His will so clear, and I have missed it for a long time. I had heard this explanation of the will of God in a book I read from John Mcaurthur when I was studying for the Bible Bee in 2010, but I hadn't fully understood them until now. I had been keeping a record of verses that mentioned the will of God, and I found that Thanksgiving and prayer are also a part of doing God's will.
1Thes 5:18
Rom 8:27

Here is a link to a sermon from John Mcaurthur that emphasizes the will of God, and he also shares the same points you shared.
http://www.gty.org/resources/sermons/80-310
I'm wondering if Kirk Cameron may have been quoting him?

Thank you again for sharing. I feel like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders.

No problem Elanee! But I have to confess, I didn't write the scriptures out, they were part of the quote!

Does this make sense? It is something that has greatly decreased my nervousness when performing. It takes a while to internalize and make it your hearts desire, but once you understand and are really on board for what God's going to do…the nervousness melts away. :) (You should still have a healthy adrenaline though! I lost that once and it totally messed me up…I felt like I was going to fall asleep and my piece lost all its expression. :( )

The Performance Mindset
There are several steps you can take to prepare yourself for performance.

Three things you can prepare are:

1. Heart: Examine your heart to find out what your motive is for playing. Are you
   trying to please people or God? Your main goal shouldn't be to show people how
   good you are and how perfect you know your piece. That doesn't mean you can't
   practice hard and do your best. It doesn't mean you should go into the
   performance with an attitude that says "I'm not here to please people so I just
   won't try!" Your goal should be to bless the people but not to show off. Pleasing
   God should be our highest motive. There are three things God cares about:
   • Effort: Did you practice your hardest?
   • Attitude: Are you going into the performance attempting to do your best or
   already set up for failure?
   • Stewardship: You should have a gracious heart when you mess up or when
   others do better than you.

2. Mind: This preparation is thinking over the performance mindset ahead of time.
   • Dynamics: When you perform it's important to play the dynamics in your piece
   so that you don't bore people to death!
   • Tempo: Another important thing is tempo. That is more for yourself than the
   people because if you go too fast it's easier to make mistakes which then makes
   you nervous which makes you play faster which makes you make more mistakes
   and it just keeps going until you finally give up crying.
   • Don't Try Too Hard: The last thing to remember when performing is not to try
   too hard! Trying too hard can make you expect too much of yourself. That can
   make you disappointed when you mess up causing you to loose your
   concentration and mess up some more and on, and on, and on!!

3. Body: These are the physical steps. In order to be physically ready for a
   performance you should rest well the days before the performance. Eating a
   healthy diet helps too. You should think through all the things that hinder playing
   (stress, cold hands, fatigue), and be prepared to prevent them as much as possible.

If you have done your duty and fulfilled your role then the results are totally up to God.
You must be prepared to deal joyfully with whatever he brings you!

That's really good! I am always trying to keep in perspective what I'm doing and ask God to be glorified through me. I also try to always remember to pray about how I'm playing something while I'm performing it. (Expression) I want to play the piece the best I can, and God knows how He wants me to play it. I want to always remain open to His Spirit!

Thanks!!

Madison,
This makes alot of sense. Where did you get the quote? Or did you write it yourself? Thank you for sharing. It was very encouraging.

Thanks. I wrote it myself. My teacher "pounds" this into our heads before every performance (and I've performed a lot since I started taking lessons from him) and he wanted to make sure we really understood so he made us write up a summary of it. :) Glad you liked it!

Sounds like you have a very excellent piano teacher. Where do you live?

Washington….across the water from Seattle.

Hey Elanee… has Evan heard anything back from ortl??? Sorry, I would email you, but I'm on Shiloh and Bethany's computer.

Yes, my mom and sister and I are going to go to the awards ceremony. So we will see what happens:)

When is that??? I hope you don't have to see my picture! ;P

Hi Eden!

Hey Rachel… how are you?

Elanee! The conference is on the 20th… and so is the Ceili!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't want to miss the ceili… and it's not required to go to the ceremony….they mailed Bethany her prize last time.

I'm pretty good! Did you find out if you're singing at the CHC?

Our local awards ceremony is this Saturday.

I have three. :)

Are you the oldest?

No, my older brother is 20. Then I have an 11 year old sister and a 4 (almost 5) year old sister. :)

Neat! I'm the second oldest girl, and the fourth oldest in my family. I have a brother who is 34, & has two children, a brother who is 25 & has a little girl, a sister who is 27, & is not married yet:), and then I have a brother Who is 17, and enjoys being the youngest. And I'm 20:)

I didn't know Evan liked being the youngest! Haha!

Yeah I guess he doesn't when we treat him like he's the youngest:) I try to treat him like he's older than me, and he seems to act older than me in alot of ways:) But I guess you already know that:)

I don't think so at all! We both know about his thoughts about needing to look older then he really is! (Not a problem for me!)

BTW: he said he joined members… so, has he like, checked it yet?

Well you are right. He does have the pressure to act older and dress older because he is the youngest:) But I guess I kind of encourage him to do that too:)

I think G+ has been occupying his Internet time, but I can tell him we were gossiping about him on here, and he will definitely be on soon:) j/k

You go right ahead… G+ is for the "not so smart" people anyway! J/K

Hey yeah… where is Evan in all the excitement?!

btw everyone, Jordan and I won first with our essays!

Congrats! Do you have a link or something that "announced" it? :)

Hey, watch it. I do G+ too. :D JKJK

Yay!! Great job guys!! :)

IK… Bethany told me you just added her!

Thanks Madi…. but it was just for our county…. Still haven't heard about the state contest!