Divorce and Remarriage

So I might be blind… But I was shocked not to find a single topic about divorce in all these forums! I'm probably blind…
So. Is divorce okay? Remarriage? After the act of the remarriage, is it still perpetual adultery? How does that relate to the idea that divorcing the second spouse means breaking another oath?
Discuss!

Good topic! This has always been a big topic for our family.

Should an Elder be apointed in a church if he has been married, divorced then married again? What does "the husband of one wife" (Titus 1:6) mean?

I think it depends on if he was a Christian or not when he got the divorce.

I have a hard time with this topic. I have friends whose mom has remarried after years of not having a dad around, and you think, it's good for the kids, but is it Biblical or not? I've seen it happen several times, and each time, I have a big struggle with it.

I believe that if two people are married in God's name, then they cannot be divorce unless one of them dies or has a lust affair (in other words, commits adultery). If adultery perverts the marriage, the covenant is broken and divorce is Biblical, as seen in the Sermon on the Mount. But if God joins two people and they get a divorce without Biblical reason, they think they're divorced; but in God's eyes, they're not. That's why–also in the Sermon on the Mount–Jesus said that whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. However, I believe that if one's spouse divorces for unBiblical reasons and then marries someone else, that is no different than any lust affair–which gives the person grounds to remarry, because divorce is then Biblical.

In case of confusion, lust affair is my term for what is commonly called a "love affair" adultery between a married person and someone other than the spouse.

Should an Elder be apointed in a church if he has been married, divorced then married again? What does "the husband of one wife" (Titus 1:6) mean?

Well, if the divorce was a Biblical one, then the woman is not his wife anymore.

I disagree. The Bible says "one wife" and that means "one wife". It also says "rules his house well" and divorce is not a sign of that… it shows he is a quitter.
Divorce is wrong. It was never God's desire to allow it… but because of the hardes of man's hearts.

I believe that if two people are married in God's name, then they cannot be divorce unless one of them dies or has a lust affair (in other words, commits adultery).

Have you ever noticed that the Bible never says that a man has to divorce his wife for adultery. It's only then that it is exceptable in God's eyes… but when he dose divorce he makes her comit adultery if she marrys again.
I heard of a guy who was convicted that even though he had "divorced" his wife in God's eyes they were not free to marry again. So he never did. What do you think of that?

I disagree. The Bible says "one wife" and that means "one wife". *Yes... that mean's he only married one woman... so he can't do the Solomon thing. No polygamy. What if he's a widower who remarried?* It also says "rules his house well" and divorce is not a sign of that... it shows he is a quitter. *I do agree there; it also shows he doesn't forgive very well. But if it's a thing of the past, and he wouldn't do that now (assuming he doesn't have reasons for thinking it the wiser option), then I think it's okay.* Divorce is wrong. . . . Have you ever noticed that the Bible never says that a man *has* to divorce his wife for adultery. *Yes; I don't think it's encouraged, but it's not wrong. It's only then that it is exceptable [sic: acceptable] in God's eyes... but when he dose divorce he makes her commit adultery if she marries again. *I don't think so; I think Jesus was referring to illegitimate divorces when He said that. I'm not certain about that, though. Like you agreed, the reason divorce is usually adultery is because it's not legitimate--meaning it's not authorized by God (and if something's not authorized by God, it's good for nothing).* I heard of a guy who was convicted that even though he had "divorced" his wife in God's eyes they were not free to marry again. So he never did. What do you think of that? *So his wife cheated on him and he divorced her? Okay; in that case--since the divorce actually existed (which it wouldn't have if it hadn't been Biblical), I think that it would have been okay for him to remarry if he could have done so in good conscience.*

It also says "rules his house well" and divorce is not a sign of that... it shows he is a quitter.

Note, though, that if he was an unbeliever, but is now a believer, God has changed him. 100%

I would say neither are fine…

^You can't have remarriage without divorce… So just say divorce is wrong! XD^

Okay; I found the exact references that explain the one and only instance under which divorce is not wrong.

+Matthew 5:32+
But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

+Matthew 19:9+
And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.”

Still, I don't think it's encouraged–forgiveness is usually a better option.

So, are you all saying that an elder must be married? That would necessarily mean that Paul could never be an elder in his own churches…a rather extreme position, if you ask me. I think this passage makes the best sense in terms of the culturally popular practice of polygamy.

^I'm not…^

I see. I guess I just got a bit confused when I read through this thread. :)

No; I think it means that if he is married, he must not be a polygamist.

So my thoughts on Titus 1:6… A man should not be elder if he has divorced and then married again. I don't think it means that a man cannot be an elder if he has married and his first wife died and he then married again or if he isn't married…just that he can't have been divorced and remarried.

So my thoughts on Titus 1:6... A man should not be elder if he has divorced and then married again. I don't think it means that a man cannot be an elder if he has married and his first wife died and he then married again or if he isn't married...just that he can't have been divorced and remarried.

Exactly! I agree. :)

What if his wife divorced him and remarried, and then he remarried? That wouldn't be unfaithfulness to his wife.

I would say, no. He shouldn't remarry.

But if his wife remarried, that would be adultery–so he would be able to divorce her legitimately. I can't prove this, so I'm not certain about it; but I think that, since divorce is okay if the spouse committed adultery, remarriage is okay after such a divorce–because the divorce is valid. In any other case, the divorce was not a real divorce–in God's eyes, which is all that counts–therefore remarriage would be an affair. Again, this is just what I think is most likely/logical–I'm not certain about it. The opposite also makes sense.

I would say, no. He shouldn't remarry.

But if you are divorced you shouldn't remarry.

Based on the context when Jesus says, I think He's referring to illegitimate divorces–meaning divorces which do not have Biblical grounds. If the divorce had Biblical grounds, would God really want people to be unable to marry again, which they might need?

This is just my opinion, though; I'd have to research the Scriptures more on the subject…

When I get home I'll type up a response for this. ;)

When I get home I'll type up a response for this. ;)

Please do–I'm very curious to find why you believe that "if you are divorced you shouldn't remarry." :)

(Come to think of it, though, are you going to bring up Romans 7? You can probably make a good argument from that. :D)

Reading my mind, eh? :P

So, here goes…hopefully it'll make sense…

Romans 7:2-3 – For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress.

^^This passage tells us that if a woman (or a man) lives with someone other then their spouse they commit adultery. We are agreed that a couple shouldn't divorce but if that were to happen they would still be living and according to the Bible would commit adultery if they married someone else.

Matthew 5:32 – and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

^^Here we see that one is not to marry someone who is divorced.

Matthew 19:9 – And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Also Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18)

Thoughts, anyone? :)

Romans 7:2-3 -- For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress. ^^This passage tells us that if a woman (or a man) lives with someone other then their spouse they commit adultery. We are agreed that a couple shouldn't divorce but if that were to happen they would still be living and according to the Bible would commit adultery if they married someone else. *But if the divorce was Biblical, than the two people are no longer spouses.* Matthew 5:32 -- and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. ^^Here we see that one is not to marry someone who is divorced. *I've struggled with this verse for a long time, but the last verse you posted here actually convinces me even more that this one is referring to unwarranted divorces--divorces that do not have Biblical reason, which would mean that they're still married in God's eyes. But if they were divorced for the Biblical reason, they are Biblically no longer married.* Matthew 19:9 -- And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Also Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) *See, it says whoever divorces his wife, _except for sexual immorality, and marries another_, commits adultery. That seems to show that if he divorces his wife on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another, he does not commit adultery.* Thoughts, anyone? :)

Romans 7:2-3 -- For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress. ^^This passage tells us that if a woman (or a man) lives with someone other then their spouse they commit adultery. We are agreed that a couple shouldn't divorce but if that were to happen they would still be living and according to the Bible would commit adultery if they married someone else. *But if the divorce was Biblical, than the two people are no longer spouses.* But her past spouse still lives. Matthew 5:32 -- and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. ^^Here we see that one is not to marry someone who is divorced. *I've struggled with this verse for a long time, but the last verse you posted here actually convinces me even more that this one is referring to unwarranted divorces--divorces that do not have Biblical reason, which would mean that they're still married in God's eyes. But if they were divorced for the Biblical reason, they are Biblically no longer married.* But they still divorced...therefore to marry someone who is divorced is to commit adultery. Matthew 19:9 -- And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Also Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) *See, it says whoever divorces his wife, _except for sexual immorality, and marries another_, commits adultery. That seems to show that if he divorces his wife on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another, he does not commit adultery.* I take it to mean that this verse means the only reason to divorce is sexual immorality...I don't think it is saying that you can then marry again. Thoughts, anyone? :)

Romans 7:2-3 -- For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress. ^^This passage tells us that if a woman (or a man) lives with someone other then their spouse they commit adultery. We are agreed that a couple shouldn't divorce but if that were to happen they would still be living and according to the Bible would commit adultery if they married someone else. *But if the divorce was Biblical, than the two people are no longer spouses.* But her past spouse still lives. *But he's not her spouse.* Matthew 5:32 -- and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. ^^Here we see that one is not to marry someone who is divorced. *I've struggled with this verse for a long time, but the last verse you posted here actually convinces me even more that this one is referring to unwarranted divorces--divorces that do not have Biblical reason, which would mean that they're still married in God's eyes. But if they were divorced for the Biblical reason, they are Biblically no longer married.* But they still divorced...therefore to marry someone who is divorced is to commit adultery. Matthew 19:9 -- And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Also Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) *See, it says whoever divorces his wife, _except for sexual immorality, and marries another_, commits adultery. That seems to show that if he divorces his wife on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another, he does not commit adultery.* I take it to mean that this verse means the only reason to divorce is sexual immorality...I don't think it is saying that you can then marry again. *Then why would Jesus say "and marries another" in there like that, combining the act?* Thoughts, anyone? :)

Romans 7:2-3 -- For a married woman is bound by law to her husband while he lives, but if her husband dies she is released from the law of marriage. 3 Accordingly, she will be called an adulteress if she lives with another man while her husband is alive. But if her husband dies, she is free from that law, and if she marries another man she is not an adulteress. ^^This passage tells us that if a woman (or a man) lives with someone other then their spouse they commit adultery. We are agreed that a couple shouldn't divorce but if that were to happen they would still be living and according to the Bible would commit adultery if they married someone else. *But if the divorce was Biblical, than the two people are no longer spouses.* But her past spouse still lives. *But he's not her spouse.* But other passages tell us it is sin to marry someone who is divorced...soo...logically that would mean it would be a sin to marry someone who's ex-spouse is still living because 1. They were divorced and 2. Their ex-spouse still lives. Matthew 5:32 -- and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery. ^^Here we see that one is not to marry someone who is divorced. *I've struggled with this verse for a long time, but the last verse you posted here actually convinces me even more that this one is referring to unwarranted divorces--divorces that do not have Biblical reason, which would mean that they're still married in God's eyes. But if they were divorced for the Biblical reason, they are Biblically no longer married.* But they still divorced...therefore to marry someone who is divorced is to commit adultery. You didn't respond again this to this verse... Have any more thoughts on this one? Matthew 19:9 -- And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.” (Also Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18) *See, it says whoever divorces his wife, _except for sexual immorality, and marries another_, commits adultery. That seems to show that if he divorces his wife on the grounds of sexual immorality, and marries another, he does not commit adultery.* I take it to mean that this verse means the only reason to divorce is sexual immorality...I don't think it is saying that you can then marry again. *Then why would Jesus say "and marries another" in there like that, combining the act?* Jesus' is saying that only for sexual immorality can a man divorce his wife. If you take that part out it would still make sense...thus the reason for my thinking. Thoughts, anyone? :)

Jesus' is saying that only for sexual immorality can a man divorce his wife. If you take that part out it would still make sense...thus the reason for my thinking.

Maybe it would have made sense if Jesus had not said it… but He DID say it. On the previous points, we've come to a dead-end of disagreement; and if we continued debating, we'd just be repeating ourselves–but this verse is why I believe my interpretation is most likely.

My point was missed…but oh well.

How about if a man physically beat his wife every day, then went off and committed a first-degree pre-meditated murder? The criminal, in this particular state/area, receives only a life sentence. The Bible declares that those who commit murder should be put to death and are, in a way, dead to the law. All their contracts with others are broken. If the government disobeys God's law in keeping the man alive when he should be dead (by means of lawful use of the government's Romans 13 sword), is it still a sin for the woman to remarry?

How about if a man physically beat his wife every day, then went off and committed a first-degree pre-meditated murder? The criminal, in this particular state/area, receives only a life sentence. The Bible declares that those who commit murder should be put to death and are, in a way, dead to the law. All their contracts with others are broken. If the government disobeys God's law in keeping the man alive when he should be dead (by means of lawful use of the government's Romans 13 sword), is it still a sin for the woman to remarry?

Jimmy, I have never really thought of it like that before. First off, where does the Bible say a murderer's punishment must be death outside of the outdated Old Covenant?

Here's another question: is it okay for a divorced person to remarry if the ex-spouse is dead?

Here's another question: is it okay for a divorced person to remarry if the ex-spouse is dead?

Romans 7:1-3 would say yes. I'm still on the fence, however (though… leaning towards Carissa's side), with regards to whether remarriage is permissible under any circumstances other than the death of one's spouse.

I tend to lean that way as well, Nicholas. :) What would you say in my hypothetical/not-so-hypothetical situation, though?

*Nicolas

As to your situation… Her spouse is still living though. I'd say she shouldn't remarry.

So you would argue that the command regarding divorce holds valid even while the spouse's life is forfeit and he is being sinfully kept alive?

I would.

I see. :) I am not sure quite what to think for myself. This issue just gets kind of tricky after a while with the "life" idea. I would hold that he is "dead" if he committed the murder and is unlawfully kept alive (though I am definitely open to change my mind on this :) ), and I would also argue, for instance, that if your spouse runs away from the marriage and you cannot find out whether he is alive or dead after a long time, you can re-marry. I am not saying there aren't clear answers here, just that "life" seems to be hard to define in terms of divorce and it might not be as simple as it seems.

Romans 7:1-3 would say yes. I'm still on the fence, however (though... leaning towards Carissa's side), with regards to whether remarriage is permissible under any circumstances other than the death of one's spouse.

Actually, Romans 7:1-3 only refers to married people. If your ex-spouse died, then you are still a person who has been divorced, for the record.

Ehhhh, I don't know, Jimmy… what Scriptures can you give me that support that idea? (Again, they must be outside of the Old Covenant laws, which Jesus did away with.)

So what if someones spouse is illegally put to death? Does that mean they are still alive? Dead is Dead and Alive is Alive.
Sorry to revive an old topic.
I believe God intended Marriage to be a life long commitment and the those who remarry are committing adultery and the Bible says adulterers will not end up in Heaven.

Are you saying that if you commit adultery once then you're not going to Heaven?

No, I'm saying I view it like homosexuality, repentance is available.

So what if someones spouse is illegally put to death? Does that mean they are still alive? Dead is Dead and Alive is Alive.

Yeah; does that mean they're alive to the Law? This is a great question, Witness.

Here's another question: is it okay for a divorced person to remarry if the ex-spouse is dead?

Yes. Though they shouldn't have gotten divorced in the first place.