The Story That Never Ends

I'll be willing to do the next addition if no one else will…what should it be about ???

Awesome. Just… awesome. I wish you could just do the rest! :P But I should probably add something of my own some time… I think, though, like Emily, I'll have to read back over the whole story so I don't mess anything up if I do make another addition. ;)

@SBG: Thank you! Seriously, though, you really should add! I posted an update of where everyone is and how they are doing, so there should not be much to catch up on with regards to situations and positions. Still, it might be beneficial to read it through (it doesn't take too long. :) ). I hope you will be able to add. You are a great writer. :)

@Hannah: Thanks! :) As this is TSTNE, you can really do whatever you want. :)

You could go back to Lord Melkior, continue with Sir Denvoir and Lord Traius, go to the Council (who, it is about time, should be doing something away from Omb), go to Rowan, or even to the nobles who distracted the Council from the king and are now (I think) in desperate retreat.

There are a bunch of options. :)

Is this the place for the RPGs?

Is this the place for the RPGs?

No.

Here are the proper nouns from Chapters 3-12. There aren't very many, I know! (And I am continually encouraged that most of the names fit my phonology with nothing more than a spelling change, if even that!)

Straden: Just fine the way it is.
Enrol: Just fine the way it is.
Dwenden: Just fine the way it is.
William: In English, we pronounce this like "Wiljam". So that is the spelling I suggest for Alavarian, Wiljam.
Kathryn: Just fine the way it is.
Kenridge: This would need to be changed… It has an obvious English etymology anyway! I suggest Kenridz.
Trenn: This would become Tren.
Desmond: Just fine the way it is. (It could be changed to Dezmond, but I don't suggest that.)
Walter: In accordance with the pronunciation, I suggest Waltur.
Rolkran: Just fine the way it is.
Camesh: This would need to become Kames.
Amruel: Just fine the way it is.
Casuil: This becomes Kasuil.
Muil: Just fine the way it is.
Britton: I'm sure nobody pronounces the double-t, so Briton.
Nevra: Just fine the way it is.
Arma: Just fine the way it is.
Arsoth: Just fine the way it is.
Denvoir: Just how this name is pronounced is a mystery to me. But I'm +sure+ nobody actually says the i, (though it may affect the o), so I would simply suggest Denvor.
Caston: This becomes Kaston.
Bradley: And this probably would be Bradli.
Asher: A Bible name?? Probably change to Asur.
Isaac: Another one?? This becomes Aisak.
Evron: Just fine the way it is.

By the way, today I wrote about personal pronouns and the use of the possessive case.

Thanks, Caleb! This is great. :)

Edit: Hi, all! I just finished editing chapter 5. I would REALLY like to know your thoughts on it (particularly your thoughts on the wolf fight). let me know what you think should be kept or changed. :)

Jimmy, I read over chapter 5 and it was a lot better in my opinion! I like how you expanded the 2 seconds of action into 5 minutes of action. Sir Doran's death was a lot better and more "heart touching". Very good Jimmy!

Did you all read it???

(wow, wow, wow! That's soooo good!!! Keep it!!!)

I kinda like the wolf fight…

Where was that?

First part of Chapter 5 (on page 65).

in chapter 5 apparently

Thanks.

Hi, Danielle! Do you mean by "kinda like" that you think something should be changed in any way? I tried to expand it and other parts of the chapter based on my own ideas and the chance to remove plot holes or out-of-place storylines. As this is a group project, let me know what to change (anything at all!) and I will try to change it. If you think it too long or something, please let me know and I will fix it immediately! :)

I mean I like it because it think it gives a different view of the world showing that not all of Alivaria (I probably spelled that wrong…) is settled and that there might even be some unknown territories…. I read part of the chapter you just posted… I don't quite have time to keep up with it all but I was just throwing in a little bit of my opinion, your doing an awesome job editing keep it up! :)

Um…….Is it this bad????

What do you mean, Hannah?

@link-No one is posting :(.

@all-Well, I'll try to do an addition but I can't promise anything since we have having company over for two weeks (starting tomorrow) But I will try :)!

LONG LIVE ALAVARIA !!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, everyone, that I haven't been working in the language department recently. I've been quite busy, and verbs (which I hope to cover next) are extremely complex. Just in case you were wondering about me…

Hi, all! I finished editing/expanding Chapter 6. Now that I read it again, I keep thinking what an awesome job you guys did! Mostly, I just added dialogue and expanded character descriptions and thought (particularly that of King Archen and the Count of Omb). I did my best to keep all of your original wording. I hope it makes more sense overall now. Time to start Chapter 7. :)

By the way, as of right now, the story is 190 pages long, consisting of 47,584 words. :)

Wow! You guys have done SO much!!! @jimmy - would you email me all of the book? I have no idea where to start so if I could just get caught up on reading, that would be great. @Hannah W - are you Jimmy's sister or are you from Google+? I am sooooooooooooo sorry I missed the holiday break - it was a crazy year for us…anyway, if you're not mad at me, I wanna help again! :)

Okay, I have all the new edits and stuff and plan to read them through all the way and make notes during the next few days. Hopefully, I will be able to get on more often… :)

Yay! You're back!!! :D

Glad to have you back! If you want to see the story, page 65 of the thread has all the updates. :)

Wow! That's really cool. :) Are you going to do anything with it?

Okay, thanks. :) BTW, I read all of the story (skimming the parts that I had already read) and it's going so well but I am so lost! I made some notes but I'll have to post them when I'm not about to start working on dinner and when I'm on my computer, since I made the notes on that one. Anyway, does anyone have any idea on how it's going to end? (It does have to end somehow, right? :))

I was almost thinking that we could cut it earlier than we have written it so far. There are a couple parts in chapters 14, 15, and 16 where we could cut, leaving a cliffhanger. As we haven't really had any ideas as to how additions can end the story, it might be a good idea to stop near where we are and edit and expand a lot. After you finish, I would love to know your thoughts on that idea. :)

Oo, that sounds interesting too…I have no idea what to do! I do have some ideas on the names that InSoloChristo came out with — I like Carivia the way it is, even if it doesn't fit with the phonetic stuff…How do you pronounce Denvoir anyway? I like most of the spelling… Except for Makennah and Quinn: I'd rather Quinn stay the same and Makennah still have 2 n's even if it doesn't have the h…

Starts silently crying I am way to emotional…but really guys? I could quote the promises of picking up after BB :P :P (JK)….. We must save Alavaria!

We need Jimmy to start the "Entire Story" thread…

I already posted the entire edited (as of so far, which is to around chapter 10) story on page 65. :)

oh ok…. adds reading that to my 'to do list'

Ein tua furines Alavarjau havondomid mas. It is hardly completed, but I just made a significant change: if a sentence has no direct object, then the subject takes no ending. (Unless it is plural.) I did that to make it more efficient. (Forgive me; it was at the expense of simplicity. But if ever there was a thing I look for in language, it is efficiency.)
It's quite a bit more complicated, so I re-post the link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/16WfnA6UbHnrq3v0sdADcEsnpVwcLn6mxyWTNrUYwke0 .
Right now, the main limitation is lack of vocabulary.

(To conclude this update, I supply the translation of the above: I am able to write in the language of Alavarja now. Not quite true, but at least it is a sentence.)

Wow! This is great!

Hey, maybe we could have the story in english on the left-hand page, and the same passage in Alavarian on the right! That way, people might want to learn the language to read it. :) I am slightly kidding, as that would be extremely hard to do, but still… :)

It would be interesting to try (with regards to the ending). By the way, I've always pronounced it "Den-voir" (said like "choir," but instead of "eye-er," more like "ire."

@All: I was thinking about this, and I was wondering if it might be a good idea to add more conflict within the characters. It almost seems that, with the exception of Sir Myles and Ronan, none of the characters we portray as good have any flawed qualities. It would be interesting, as we expand/edit, to think about working some of that in to some of the characters (jealousy, desire for self-preservation, etc.). If you have any ideas at all, maybe we should shoot them out. For instance, "Baron DuBatz -> Does not want to leave his family for too long, and the long rebellion might be putting them in danger. He wrestles with the desire to desert and protect them." Anything at all might be helpful, and we can talk about which ones are good and which are unnecessary. I think we can all agree that flaws help make characters more believable. :)

Also, I was wondering whether we should add more cultural difference from our world and Alavaria. It almost seems as though the world is too like medieval times. If we can think of one or two major things that Alavaria does differently, that would also, I think, boost believability. What do you all think?

I was actually thinking about that today……(maybe cause I'm your sister :P) I think that is a good idea!….I've read a lot of books that are somewhat unbelievable because of that….

What cultural differences are you meaning??? Just would like clarification…

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a princess, and her mother and father, the king and queen. They lived a very happy life in the castle, until the princess Julia,(for that was her name,)Was kidnapped,and taken to…

(I very much want to know what happens in the end of my start of this tale, so do hurry…)

will be reporting for action as soon as I finish reading the whole thing again:)

That is a really, really good idea. I don't like it very much when just the main character has flaws. I'll definitely be thinking about flaws that seem like they could fit what we already 'know' about the characters.

Hello :)!
I like your beginning to the story! But are you asking to start another story that never ends? We do have a story we are currently turning into a book…..we would enjoy your additions please :)! The whole story that is written so far is on pg. 65 i think if you would like to read it :)! I personally would really like to do your story, so since this is a “book” can we start yours on a new forum☺?! I would like to see your story :)!

Thanks :)!
Hannah

It would be interesting to try (with regards to the ending). By the way, I've always pronounced it "Den-voir" (said like "choir," but instead of "eye-er," more like "ire." *@All: I was thinking about this, and I was wondering if it might be a good idea to add more conflict within the characters. It almost seems that, with the exception of Sir Myles and Ronan, none of the characters we portray as good have any flawed qualities. It would be interesting, as we expand/edit, to think about working some of that in to some of the characters (jealousy, desire for self-preservation, etc.). If you have any ideas at all, maybe we should shoot them out. For instance, "Baron DuBatz -> Does not want to leave his family for too long, and the long rebellion might be putting them in danger. He wrestles with the desire to desert and protect them." Anything at all might be helpful, and we can talk about which ones are good and which are unnecessary. I think we can all agree that flaws help make characters more believable. :)* *Also, I was wondering whether we should add more cultural difference from our world and Alavaria. It almost seems as though the world is too like medieval times. If we can think of one or two major things that Alavaria does differently, that would also, I think, boost believability. What do you all think?*

Wow. Just…wow.

Why is it "wow. Just…wow"? We are turning this into a book so it has to be perfect :P :)

Why is it "wow. Just...wow"? We are turning this into a book so it has to be perfect :P :)

Because, when this thing started, I was the one trying to make it different. And no one listened to any of my ideas. ANY of my ideas. And those that did either ignored me, or tried to change my ideas. So, this is pure irony to me.

Well I wasn't here when it started but I will apologize anyway :). But weren't you trying to put guns in a time with swords? Just saying….btw you REALLY should add :)! We would welcome your additions….just no guns :P jk!!!!! What ideas do you have :)?

Well I wasn't here when it started but I will apologize anyway :). But weren't you trying to put guns in a time with swords? Just saying....btw you REALLY should add :)! We would welcome your additions....just no guns :P jk!!!!! What ideas do you have :)?

1. It was not established back then that there were only swords. And, FYI, the last battle to be fought with both swords and guns was the Civil War. In other words, swords and guns coexisted for a long time after the invention of guns. It is then plausible that they would exist in Alavaria.

2. I was trying to make it unique in a Steampunk way. Not full medieval, yet not fully Renaissance or Industrial. But, what did I get? A chorus of "you're confusing!. No one asked me to explain my idea, but only stated that they didn't like them. You can imagine how happy I was.

1. I didn't know that …..thanks :). Well, this is medieval so I hope you understand :).

2. (What is steampunk :P?) I understand this is fictional :). Yes I can imagine :)….But I hope you understand :). I mean sometimes people are confused…..you should post you ideas and the details so we can fully understand…if you want to read it it is on pg.65 we would highly welcome your ideas and additions!

You did give us the lady's dagger idea :) (I am assuming you are "Sam" otherwise known as the one with the purple face avatar :)???)

I have to go now…I hope you will add and post your ideas :)!

Actually, I came up with the cultural differences idea mainly because of you. :) When we started, we wanted to keep it simple and not confusing. Now, we can work on making it more believable. I remember what you said about cultural differences, so I thought we should try it. I am sorry if I presented my idea in the wrong way. :)