Dating vs Courtship.

Yes! Martin is doing well when he sends a book, I enjoy seeing it. :) My response went along the lines of:
"I think you're right in saying that online dating has evolved because of a faulty mindset of marriage in our world today. However, just because the sorce of an idea is wrong dosen't mean that it's all bad, and God can't be glorified through it. Otherwise you are condemning much of modern society. 
……..
So basically, I think that the rights and wrongs of online dating, and when it's appropriate, are determined by the way we veiw it, just like in person relationships. I could enter into any relationship with the view of "what can I get for myself," or "what can I give"… and that's where I believe the real choice lies. The way of thinking is the choice. Constantly bringing every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."

Now in reply to your comment, Nate:)
John MacArthur has a lot of great thoughts in what he says in that excerpts, and I agree with what he says… I think that online dating can be 'redeemed' so to speak. It doesn't have to be without accountability. I do think that perhaps it isn't the ideal form of finding a life partner, but certainly not worthless, or dishonoring to God.

This has been a fascinating discussion to read through, you guys.

Honestly, I'm not sure which side I'd take. Sarah, you said that you have several friends who had good experiences with online dating - that sounds pretty legit to me. On the other hand, Martin has some excellent points. I completely agree with him. I think I would venture to say that online dating may certainly work for some (playing the relativity card, as Nate said), and therefore isn't completely bad, but that doesn't mean it's right for everyone. Personally, I wouldn't use it - simply because I'd rather meet someone in person, or in a forum among people I know and trust (like MV). I definitely prefer real interactions - I can get a better feel for people's personality/character. It takes longer to understand the person behind the profile picture online than to understand the person you're facing and having a conversation with.

I think it's purely a personal preference thing - to do it, or not to do it. Just like whether a couple dates or courts is an optional thing. There isn't really a right or wrong to it, until something goes wrong and you have to trace back and figure out the why and how. But things can go wrong in any relationship no matter how it starts.

My grandmother says she really likes the idea of online dating because she thinks it's very important to talk over many things before seeing a person face to face. She draws this conclusion from hearing about Abigail's and my friendships with you people, and seeing how well we are able to get to know one another.

Personally, I wouldn't use it - simply because I'd rather meet someone in person, or in a forum among people I know and trust (like MV).

I can definitely understand that. I would much prefer getting to know someone in a group setting…. but perhaps an online dating website could lead to something like that (invite them to Memverse, or something). If a guy couldn't get along with my friends online…. I think I would have a problem with that. Idk.

I'd only date someone I'd met online if I found them through a means that wasn't specifically catered towards dating.

Dating websites push everyone into the magic circle of matching and not matching a series of self-imposed requirements, and you judge people accordingly.

Anywhere else, you judge a person for who they are and how they act. In real life, and in online communities.

Those who don't abuse the anonymity of the Internet are generally against the current, and people notice that. It's easier to notice when you're in an environment that encourages normal conversation, be it about a hobby, a job, or life in general.

There are predators in either case, but then, so there are in real life. Even amongst church-goers.

Neither method is inherently worse than the other; the common thread that they share is that it depends on the people you interact with and your expectations going into it.

All in all, I wouldn't suggest you look into it out of desperation. That's like shopping when you're hungry; you end up thinking that everything looks good and you overextend yourself, leaving yourself open to overspending either your money or your emotions.

Look into it as a possibility, but simply because you think a door is closed right now does not mean that it truly is. God has His timing, after all.

We've all had that moment where we've been told to complete an action while we were doing something else, and literally two minutes after being asked/told to do something else while we were still preoccupied, we're asked if we're going to do it at all. A slower response is not the same as a negative response. Just because you can't see the finish line doesn't mean you've been kicked out of the race.

In the end, it depends on you as a person. Personally, I'd recommend giving it some time. Life is a strange thing; we often find what we are looking for in the unlikeliest of places. Keep all of your options open. Keep in prayer. Don't give up hope.

I'd only date someone I'd met online if I found them through a means that *wasn't* specifically catered towards dating.

That.

Very, very good/encouraging thoughts and reminders there, Sam! Thanks. :)

Well, I really don't have time to get involved in a discussion, but I'm going to say bit anyway :).

I think that a lot of girls (and they could be anywhere from 5 to 35) think that their purpose in life is to get married, have children, etc. But that's not true. For all believers, our purpose is to glorify God and serve Him in all that we do. So if part of that is being a wife and mother, great! But if it's not, then we shouldn't feel like our life is without purpose. If God wants you to get married, then He will bring the right person into your life. You don't have to go searching the internet for them.

Just my thoughts on this, though :). If you don't agree with me, then that's fine, but I would encourage you to search the Scriptures and see if the chief end of woman really is to find a husband and be married forever (rather than "to glorify God and enjoy Him forever").

Do you people have any thoughts about online dating? Is it something you would do, or not even consider? Why, or why not? I'll just be honest - yes, I am looking into online dating. No, I don't think I will do it right now. Why? Because I have a lot of things to do as a single person, before I am ready to get married... but there's a possibility that I will go that route someday (when all else fails). ;)

This may be an unnecessary warning (because you may already know that you should), but I would highly encourage you to talk to your parents about this if you decide that you want to.

I completely agree! God has a plan for your life, and His will is going to be accomplished no matter what we do :)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Anna! I agree with you that our cheif purpose is to glorify God. "God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him" -John Pipper. I see no fault in wanting to get married, or even seeking a husband (in a God honoring way) - I'm sure you agree with me on that. Marriage is a beautiful thing, and a good marriage is something to be desired…. but like anything else, shouldn't become an idol. Friends could become an idol… but nobody here would say that it's wrong to get online and make friends. What I mean is that it's between an individual and God as to whether online dating is good or bad.

Thanks for the concern. Don't worry, there's very little on these matters that I don't talk over with my dad. ;)

I agree! :) Praying for you! hugs

I must say, I was delighted reading the thoughts being shared here - especially the stress put on ultimate satisfaction in God (i.e. Anna and Sarah).
I can say as a female, that I would love to be married one day, a desire many of you have also mentioned. But above anything else in the world, I want to want Christ. I want to cherish Him; and I want to relish in Him. To have my every longing and desire filled in Him.
We have to remind ourselves - marriage on earth is a temporary, human picture of something far greater.
Isaiah 54:5 - "For your Maker is your husband, The LORD of hosts is His name; And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel; He is called the God of the whole earth."
I came across this verse last week while reading my Bible, and was struck by the beauty of it. As much as I desire to get married when I get older, it could never compare with the picture it represents. It could never equate to our marriage to Christ. Hosea 2:19-20 - "I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, In lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know the LORD." All that I/we look forward to in marriage we already have in Christ!
And so if it is true that "the chief end of man is to glorify God and (or BY) enjoy(ing) Him forever," and "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him," then whether or not I/we marry one day on this earth, our satisfaction can be full and our joy real. How awesome is that?!
Just two cents of what I've been learning. :)

Thank you for sharing! That is truly beautiful! A reminder of what I should keep in the front of my mind always!

ROSIE WAS ON?!!!!!???! Rosie, please join us here more often!!! We miss you! hug :) ♥
And thanks for sharing your thoughts - I so agree :)

Exactly! Thank you for sharing.
"For our heart is glad in Him because we trust in His holy name." (Psalm 33:21)
"…in your presence there is fullness of joy…" (Psalm 16:11)

Here's a hilarious and thought-provoking video about online dating: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tQoyXsUhomo

That's hilarious. This is a good one too: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbHj2Xv-ExE

I'm going to give a couple of my thoughts on dating vs. courting.

1. Dating is NOT long-term. Most courting is life-time.
2. Dating typically does not have a third wheel. Courting typically does. I've been a third wheel twice, and I refuse to do again.
3. Dating is awkward. Courting is finding out everything you NEED to know about the person.
4. Dating tends to be scheduled about once a week, or every other week, or even once a month. Courting goes on 24/7. You can court someone in your mind, but you cannot date someone in your mind.
5. Dating is one on one. Courting, well, lets just say your courting the whole family.
6. Dating leads to a picture of two people liking each other. Courting leads to a picture of Christ and the church.

That's just my thoughts.

Dear Rosie C.
I'm really out of practice at making good discussion on these TD. Sorry. I have a few thoughts to add to yours, if I may. :) You seem to have a good start.

1. Dating is NOT long-term. Most courting is life-time. [That is exactly my problem with courting. It is binding and if it doesn't work out it leaves a lot of room for blame because a commitment was broken. I guess some people would say that's how it should be, but I don't think that is healthy at all. And because it is looked at so seriously there is even more room for heartbreak if things don't work out (AKA, the father decides the match isn't good.]
2. Dating typically does not have a third wheel. Courting typically does. I've been a third wheel twice, and I refuse to do again. [This is the part of courting that makes sense to me - accountability, because I have a very hard time trusting people. But trust is the base of every good relationship. Some people need it more accountability than others. On the other hand some people are actually trustworthy, honorable adults who love their neighbor as themselves, and care what God thinks.]
3. Dating is awkward. Courting is finding out everything you NEED to know about the person. [There are lots of things about marriage that will be awkward, so get used to it, I say! You can get to know everything you NEED to know about a person by dating, too. The only difference is your dad or mom isn't there to protect/shelter.]
4. Dating tends to be scheduled about once a week, or every other week, or even once a month. Courting goes on 24/7. You can court someone in your mind, but you cannot date someone in your mind. [huh? I don't get this. could you please explain.]
5. Dating is one on one. Courting, well, lets just say your courting the whole family. [You know what? I used to love this part of courting! The idea of having the whole family involved thrilled me. but now it doesn't so much. There needs to be bounders set between a person's personal life, and family life. It is so important to a successful and happy marriage. However, I would still like it if my future husband had a friendship with my family members… but not courting them!!!]
6. Dating leads to a picture of two people liking each other. Courting leads to a picture of Christ and the church. [Why can't dating lead to a picture of Christ, too? I think it is important for us to get to know other people in a healthy unbound way so that we can make a proper and informed decision as far as who we are best compatible with, and everything important to us as individuals!]

1. In courting, generally the father approves of the courtee before the courting actually starts.
2. 1. As a general rule in dating, if you watch two people when they are around each other, they act differently when they are separate. BTW, my sister actually did a more dating courtship, and my bother did a courting courtship.
3. 1. I'm sorry, I left a word out there. dating tends to lead to a picture of two people liking each other… Typically you have 2 people and they like each other and there is no separating them… LOL But when you put Christ into the picture you have a threesome and not a twosome.

Does this make sense?

My brain has been a little weird today…

I have been reading "I kissed dating goodbye" by Joshua Harris. These are some interesting points I found.

1. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship.

2. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.

Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships. For example parents and siblings and other friends.

" Unless a man is prepared to ask a woman to be his wife, what right has he to claim her exclusive attention? Unless she has been asked to marry him, why would a sensible woman promise any man her exclusive attention?" Elizabeth Elliot Passion and Purity