Jokes :)

LOL!!

LOL indeed!! :P :D

:D :D

Hahahahaha!!!!

Wow… lol!

There were three people: A blue-haired person, a redhead, and an old lady with gray hair. So the three of them decided to go on a hunting trip. First, the redhead went to hunt, and finally came back with a fox. The others asked how she got it.

The redhead said, "I followed tracks and tracks, and got a fox."

Then the gray haired lady went to get something, and came back with a rhino. The others asked how she got it, and she replied,

"I followed tracks and tracks, and got a rhino."

Finally the blue-haired person went to hunt something, and when she came back she was all beaten up. The others asked what happened. She said,

"I followed tracks and tracks, and then I got run over by a train."

I've heard it before, but still… facepalm :P

1. What's green and yellow and red all over?
2. What color did the boy paint the sun and the wind on his picture?
3. Why did the egg cross the road?
4. Why did the bubblegum cross the road?
5. Why did the wasp cross the road?

1. It was inside the chicken? :P
2. This has been asked before… it was stuck to the chicken's foot.

TELL US TELL US!!!

1. Because it was in the chicken???
2. It was stuck on the chickens foot :P
3. It flew?? :P

Here's the answers:

1. A frog in a blender.
2. The sun rose and the wind blue.
3. The chicken hadn't hatched yet.
4. It was stuck to the chicken's foot.
5. To get to the waspital.

#1….yuck!!!!!!! :P :P

"Is anyone following us?"

That…is…one…of…the…funniest…jokes…I…have…heard… … …EVER! I"m not kidding. My dad laughed so hard when I told it to him, I was worried. Mike says he's going to tell it to all of his friends. :-D

I know, same here! It's terrible at the same time, though. :P

I know, same here! It's terrible at the same time, though. :P

Lol! Ditto!

"Is anyone following us?"

That...is...one...of...the...funniest...jokes...I...have...heard... ... ...EVER! I"m not kidding. My dad laughed so hard when I told it to him, I was worried. Mike says he's going to tell it to all of his friends. :-D

LOL!! I know, my friends and I were seriously ROFL when my other friend told that.

Guy 1: What do you do for a living?
Guy 2: I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs….
~ from a Dan Nuckols cartoon

"I'm a six point Calvinist. I believe in burning heretics."

"I'm a seven point Calvinist. I believe in burning heretics then saying that Calvinism is a Christian belief!"

Guy 1: What do you do for a living? Guy 2: I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs.... ~ from a Dan Nuckles cartoon

Lol!! Wow…that is like so realistic. :P

Guy 1: What do you do for a living? Guy 2: I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs. I write worship songs.... ~ from a Dan Nuckles cartoon

Lol!! Wow…that is like so realistic. :P

This is SO funny...I didn't get it right at first but then I laughed so hard! :D :P http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/236x/5a/b3/d0/5ab3d0a526568df91e0897ec13fd7c93.jpg

LOLOLOL ROFL

Boss, trying to sound tough to the new employee: OK, so around here we only call people by their last names. What's your last name? New Guy: Um, just call me John. Boss: No, that's not the way we do it here. If your name's Matthew Smith, we call you "Smith." Give me your last name. New Guy: Please, just call me John. Really. Boss (getting mad): We're calling you by your last name! Tell me your last name! New Guy: My name is John Darling.

Hahaha

How do you keep a turkey in suspense?

Oh man….I've heard this one before….thinks hard

I'll tell you later.

HEY!!! =D That's the answer, right? :P

Yeppoid!

"I'm a six point Calvinist. I believe in burning heretics."

blockmyquote "I'm a seven point Calvinist. I believe in (after burning heretics) saying that Calvinism is a Christian belief!"blockmyquote

I'm surprised SBG or anybody else ain't challenged us yet. (all the credit does go to you for the amazing joke)

You want me to challenge you on that quote…cause I will if you want me too.

Calvinists murdered people over minor disagreements. How does it feel to be part of a cult whose founders killed for fun?

Most everyone back then did kill people who disagreed with them…even on minor things. And do not call Calvinists a cult!!!!!!!!!!

Mennonites

What?

they didn't kill people for disagreements.

That's why I said "most".

A lot of people back then were majorly confused over some issues, like what we're supposed to do when people disagree with us. Killing them was just the thing to do, but most people didn't figure out that it wasn't the right thing to do. I don't believe Calvin himself ever did that, though; he turned Geneva into a very godly place, from what I've heard. And anyways, the fact that I'm sort of a Calvinist doesn't mean that I do everything that every Calvinist has ever done!

And anyways, the fact that I'm sort of a Calvinist doesn't mean that I do everything that every Calvinist has ever done!

DITTO!!!!!

clears throat in a conciliatory manner

As amusing as it may be for some of you to bait Calvinists, such activities do not fall strictly into the category of this thread. I'm sure there are several places in the Debate section that would appreciate the extra traffic.

And to avoid the reprehensible charge of posting off-topic to point out the off-topic posts, I will add a joke:

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"

They planned to hold up the sign to all the cars who passed them.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled many drivers as they sped by.

After a while the pastor said to the priest
"Do you think it would be more effective to put 'bridge out' instead?"

LOL :)

The Dog's Diary:

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary:

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Jerks!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!! ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL!!!! That is like the most hilarious thing ever!

ROFL! Those are both HILARIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call it when Tim Tebow has a thought? (You won't get this unless you are a football fan at all…)

I give up. Lol

Too bad - you're not getting the answer yet! :)

I didn't ask for the answer… :) lol

I know! :D (More I was just saying too bad you give up that easy. JK! I had no idea when my dad asked me this one either :P)

What do you call it when Tim Tebow has a thought? (You won't get this unless you are a football fan at all...)

A miracle?

“For a couple years I've been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood, or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. Here's why: The population of this country is 273 million.

140 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Saddam Hussein. Which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for state and city governments, and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are sitting, at your computer, reading jokes.

That’s nice, real nice.”

Well, now that I have two guesses (or should I say, two responses), here's the answer. "A Christian Ponder."