Jokes :)

Started by Dani(elle)
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SavedByGrace

I'm supposing one of these isn't mine... it would be pretty hard.... xP

The family who makes fun of rowing instruments. :P

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Christine Daaé (Dani the Older)

If I'm allowed to…

Which BB family lives on the prairie?
Which BB family resembles a tree from their native state?
Which BB family cares for the woods?
Which BB family belongs in a river?
Which BB family's laundry caught on fire?
Which BB family does not like the sun?

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Jackson

  1. Moss correct
  2. Tappendorf correct
  3. Carver That works, too, but I was thinking of Saunders (sanders).
  4. Purkey? ^That's Mum's suggestion^ Nope!
  5. French or Fry French.
  6. Montgomery correct
  7. Minica :P correct
  8. Cookseys? correct
  9. Cravens correct
  10. Hair correct
  11. Harbour correct
  12. Harris? Correct
  13. Knapp correct
  14. Mitton Correct
  15. Oldham correct xD
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Christine Daaé (Dani the Older)

2. Moss *correct* 4. Tappendorf *correct* 5. Carver *That works, too, but I was thinking of Saunders (sanders).* Yeah, I saw that later. 9. Purkey? ^That's Mum's suggestion^ *Nope!* Ugh... I'll keep trying! 11. French or Fry *French.* 12. Montgomery *correct* 16. Minica :P *correct* 18. Cookseys? *correct* 19. Cravens *correct* 22. Hair *correct* 24. Harbour *correct* 25. Harris? *Correct* 27. Knapp *correct* 28. Mitton *Correct* 30. Oldham *correct xD*
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biblebee

Okay, so I don't like telling jokes in person…cause then it's really embarrassing if nobody thinks it's funny or they don't understand it…but it can't be too bad on here, right? :P So, here goes…

There was this farmer and he was going on a trip. He had his truck hitched up to a trailer in which was a horse, a donkey, and a dog. Well, the farmer had a car accident and the animals and he all got hurt quite badly. The sheriff pulls up to help. Now the sheriff really really really loved animals. So he gets of his car and goes to the trailer. He sees the horse and it's in so much pain that he shoots it to put it out of its misery. Next he sees the donkey is in a lot of pain so he shoots it to put it out of its misery. Then he sees the dog in a bunch of pain so he shoots it to put it out of its misery. The farmer has seen all of what has gone as. Then he goes over to the farmer with his gun still out. The sheriff asks the farmer "How do you feel? Are you in a lot of pain?" The farmer takes one look at the gun and the sheriff and quickly says, "I've never felt better in my life!"

So there is this pastor and his wife. His wife is going to go on a trip overseas but before she leaves she hands her husband an envelope telling him to open it if she dies on her trip. Well, she goes on a trip. He gets very curious about what is in the envelope…so he opens it. In it is a note that says "Look under the bed". So he goes and looks under the bed. He finds a box in which are three eggs and stacks of hundred dollar bills. Once his wife gets home he asks her why the eggs and hundred dollar bills. She says, "Well, every time you preached a bad sermon I put an egg in the box." "Wow, I've only ever preached three bad sermons!" He says, "But what about the hundred dollar bills?" She then explains those, "Every time the eggs reached a dozen I sold them."

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Matthew Minica

A student was asked "What do you think is the bigger problem in today's society, ignorance or apathy?"

He answered "I don't know, and I don't care."

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ZachB

Lol!

"There are two types of people in the world. Those who can gather information from incomplete data…."

It sometimes take people a bit to get this one.

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Matthew Minica

Haha! I got it right away. =P

There are 10 types of people in this world: those who can understand binary, and those who can't.

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Jedidiah Diligence Breckinridge III

  1. Teaching Math In 1950
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

  2. Teaching Math In 1960
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

  3. Teaching Math In 1970
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

  4. Teaching Math In 1980
    A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

  5. Teaching Math In 1995
    A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

  6. Teaching Math TODAY
    Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80.

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2 Corinthians 5:17

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.

Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabi, look towards sky, what you see?"

The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.

The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?

Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabi, It tell me someone stolen tent."

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Seth W.

At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."

He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."

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Jessica Rankin

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it….
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, apparently they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!

:-)

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