Jokes :)

Ha! LOL!

So one day a highway patrol officer is driving along, and he passes a car that has a few old ladies in it. He notices that they all look really pale and scared. He also notices that they are going 20 miles per hour, so he pulls them over. He walks up to the window and says to the lady driving, "I'm not going to give you a ticket, but I wanted to let you know that you were going 40 miles an hour under the speed limit. You should speed up a little."
She points to a sign that says "20" a little further up the road and says, "The speed limit sign says 20; that's what I was following."
"Oooh, no, that's the highway sign. You're on Highway 20. The speed limit on this road is 60 miles an hour."
She accepts the warning and explanation, and he starts walking back to the car, but feels something just isn't right. He goes back up and says to her, "I can't help but notice that you all look really scared or something. Can I help at all?"
She says, "No, it's okay. We just got off of Highway 190."

Took me a second to get it, but that is hilarious! LOL!

Oh my! This is hilarious! xD

Total LOL!!!

:O OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

0.o now that's hilarious. :p LOL!

Once there was a cross-country biker. He was biking over a big mountain pass, when a fancy sports car pulled up beside him. The man in it asked if he wanted a ride. The biker told him no, he'd rather stay on his bike, but if the car could tow him, that would be nice. So the man in the car found a rope and attached one end to the bike and one to his car, and started after they agreed that if the car went too fast the biker would honk the horn on his bike.
They started off. A trooper or somebody like that came up behind him and saw them and said into his radio, "There's a sports car going 80 mph here racing a cross-country bicycle, and the biker is honking his horn as hard as he can to get the car to move over so he can pass!"

(I'm pretty sure that's how it went, at least ;) )

Hehe! xD

LOL!

Here is one that my brother's friend made up (you have to be familiar with Narnia):

Q: What do you get when you cross high king Peter's palace with a math lesson? (High king Peter's palace is Cair Paravel)
A:Cair Parallel

If you don't get it that's ok, but my family thinks it is funny.

Haha I get it!

Hehehe. :p lol

Here's a joke my older brother came up with:
News Report: Police say today that the notorious 'Two Shoes' McGlarthy confessed to being paid to hit a victim over the head in a Chinese rice paddy with two small figurines. Apparently, this is the first occasion of a 'nick-nack paddy whack'

Lol! XD

Q: How is little dominant over Large?

A: A little large is is smaller than large, and largely small is smaller than small.

Student who obtained a 0% on an exam:
(Taken from a list of jokes at Lancaster Bible Collage)

1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
   *In his last battle.

2. Where was the Declaration of Independence sinned?
   *At the bottom of the page.

3. River Ravi flows in which state?
   • Liquid.

4. What is the main reason for divorce?
   *Marriage.

5. What is the main reason for failure
   *Exams.

6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
   *Lunch and Dinner.

7. What looks like half an apple?
   • The other half.
8. If your throw a red stone into a blue sea, what will it become?
   • Wet.
9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
   • No problem, he sleeps at night.
10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
    • You'll never find an elephant with on hand.
11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand, and four apples and tree oranges in the other hand what do you have?
    • Really large hands.
12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long will it take four men to build that same wall?
    • No time at all, it's already built.
13. How can you drop an egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
    • Any way you want, it's very hard to crack a concrete floor.

Are you new on Memverse? ;)

LOL! I was literally LOL!

No, but I just found out recently that I could chat.

When is a car not a car?

@Rosie: I have no idea. Um…when it crashes…but then it's still a crashed car…xP

You are outside a room that has only a lamp in it, no windows, or anything else. There are 3 light switches outside the room with you. In a moment you will have to go into the room, and you can never come out again. You can only have 1 light switch on at a time. How do you figure out which light switch turns on the lamp inside the room?

@Eirene- When it turns into a driveway.

Switch them on while you're outside the room and see which one it is?

Lol! xD

Noo…you could do that if there was just 2 switches, and if it was off when you went in you'd know it was the other one, but there's 3. And you can't see the lamp from outside the room. ;D

ummm….. Do all these lightswitches do something? Can you see which light switches turn on different lights? Or break down the wall and follow the wires? IDK 8D

No…just say the 2 that don't turn on the light inside the room (but remember you don't know which those are) are dead. ;P

Hey! No fair! jk

This is frantic guessing. Does one of the light switches turn on the lamp? Do we need to light? Well, to tell the truth, I'm stumped. LOL

What place is every one dying to get to? Hint: not Heaven or Hell

Where they aren't?

No

Sorry for my late reply! :P

The… cemetery!

ohhh…. hahahaha. goes to find a joke I know I have written done somewhere

This one gets a lot of people.
“Do you know a sentence that ends with the word the?

Some of my sibs and me were hanging out with Andrew Rappaport and he told us that joke. At I told him it wasn't funny. He asked me why I was laughing… lol

The one you just said!

Oh so then you know it?
How about this one…
Have you heard the joke about the bed?

No

I actually hadn't heard that one!

That's good, because it's not made up yet.

haha

Spell the word shop, outloud

How about this one.
An electric train is going north, the wind is blowing east, which way is the steam going?

ok, I did it…
"S H O P"

What do you do when you come to a green light? What did you say at first?

You go at a green light. But I said Shop.

That's what a lot of people say. Got me first time! hehe

An electric train is going north, the wind is blowing east, which way is the steam going?

South-West?

There is no smoke. It's an electric train. This one so got me the first time though.
umm… last one I'm going to ask. How long should a man's legs be?