Humorous Bible Quotations

Thought the Bible was all dry, theological historical stuff with no humor in it? THINK AGAIN!

This topic is for posting any and all Bible verses that have a pinch of humor added in them. A merry heart doeth good like medicine! :D Proverbs 17:22

So, I was reviewing Galatians 5:1-18 and I was struck by Paul's great sense of humor in verse 15. It says, "But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another." I paraphrased the verse and came up with "If you insist on continuing to bite and devour each other, just be careful that you don't eat each other up." :D LOL!

LOL!!! =D

LOL!!! :)

So in James 3 it talks about the ship going wherever the will of the pilot directs. Well this is what you get when you mess up:
"Wherever the will of the Pirate directs."

Lol :)

Lol :)!

Ooooohhhh yeah!! Time to bring in some Pauline satire!

So, the Corinthians are getting a bit puffed up and, to puff themselves up even more, are starting to slander the authenticity of the apostles' (especially Paul's) authority. Paul begins to get a little sarcastic in rebutting their slander. ;)

"Already you have all you want! Already you have become rich! You have begun to reign—and that without us! How I wish that you really had begun to reign so that we also might reign with you! For it seems to me that God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession, like those condemned to die in the arena. We have been made a spectacle to the whole universe, to angels as well as to human beings. We are fools for Christ, but you are so wise in Christ! We are weak, but you are strong! You are honored, we are dishonored!" 1 Corinthians 4:8-10 NIV

Paul is making a joke out of their pride, showing that their boasting is empty. The apostles are the ones who are doing so much for the kingdom of Christ, and thus are being persecuted. The Corinthians are doing virtually nothing for it, so the world generally accepts them. Paul pretends to agree with them that they are far superior to him and the other apostles, just to show them how ridiculous what they are saying really is. :D

This is going to sound strange, but I think that overall the story of Ehud and Eglon is just kind of odd in a funny sort of way. Am I the only one who thinks that?
Also, I laughed when I was reading that quote by Ahab that says, "He who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off." My Narnian mind instantly thought of Miraz from "Prince Caspian" (in the movie).
And Job has some biting sarcasm. "Surely you are the people, and wisdom will die with you!" I've felt like saying that a few times myself. "But come on, all of you, try again! I will not find a wise man among you." Burn!!! "I have heard many things like these; miserable comforters are you all!" cringes Let's move on before these get any more insulting…
I also think it's funny when it talks about "destroy, kill, and annihilate". I even use that quote myself sometimes.
And at the end of Judges, after talking in the past 5 chapters about all the WEIRD things that happened in Israel, it tells us, "In those days…everyone did as he saw fit." Yeah…thanks for telling me.

This is going to sound strange, but I think that overall the story of Ehud and Eglon is just kind of odd in a funny sort of way. Am I the only one who thinks that?

nope, I think odd in a funny sort of way too ;D

@SBG, yeah, a lot of times I'll read something in one of Paul's epistles and be like "Oh wow, that's not sarcastic at all, is it?" :P

@Emily: That's one of the few disadvantages of the KJV… When you read the passage Nicolas mentioned in the KJV, it's hard to tell it's sarcasm.

Jesus Himself has some humorous quotations sometimes! Take a look at Matthew 7:3-5 (ESV): "Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." LOVE IT! :D

Yeah, but some of the wording in KJV is really funny when it's not in other versions.

"Superfluity of naughtiness"? :D

raises eyebrow Seriously?? O_o :D LOL

Exactly!!!! :D I almost posted that as an example :P That verse is so fun to say :P

@Nicolas - James 1:21! Look it up! :D

@Emily - Yeah, I was glad when I saw that they had that as a verse this year. :D

Me too :D I was like "oh yay, we have the superfluity verse this year!!" :P

Uh… I assume that is another way to say "moral filth"? :P

James 1:21…I don't get it…

Did you look it up?

Yes…

We were talking about the funny way the verse was phrased, "superfluity of naughtiness", you know?

I think the section in Job where God is asking him all those obvious questions is pretty funny. I mean, God says stuff like, "Can you hold these giant stars in your hands?" or "Did you make these amazing animals?" Um, isn't it kinda obvious? I think sarcasm is one of God's most often overlooked qualities…

Anyone want to know why so many women are terrified of snakes? Just look up Genesis 3:15. :)

LOL! Does anybody see smiley faces while reading the bible? Like in Colossians 2:22, there's one of these–> ;)

I think Dani M. needs to read that verse! :)

Oh yes…the Bible is funny all the time! The book of Jonah is a good example. You get such a clear picture in your head of Jonah whining to God and then going up on a hill to pout. All of which doesn't affect God in the slightest of course. This verse particularly makes me raise my eyebrows:

Jonah 4:9 Then God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?”
And he said, “It is right for me to be angry, even to death!"

Pretty audacious to talk like that to God, if you ask me!

Does anyone else think Paul's long sentences are funny sometimes? Sometimes by the time I've gotten to the end of Eph. 3:14 I'm laughing pretty hard. I don't know…it just seems funny that he keeps getting "side tracked" in a way…

Another story I like is Balaam and the talking donkey:
Num. 22:28 Then the LORD opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?”
Num. 22:29 And Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have abused me. I wish there were a sword in my hand, for now I would kill you!”
Num. 22:30 So the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey on which you have ridden, ever since I became yours, to this day? Was I ever disposed to do this to you?”
And he said, “No.”

He's so shocked when the donkey starts talking, it doesn't even register; he just answers the question.

Don't worry- I have it memorized! :D

I replied you under "Theology Questions", FYI.

Well then you should understand why I don't like them.

That's what Mom says. That's OK, I'll enjoy liking them anyways!

And I enjoy disliking them.

OK, we'll leave it at that.

Thank you.

I do!!!! LOL =D I see them all. The. Time! :)

YES!! When we read them in the Bible I always read it like "Which all are to perish with the using smiley face" :P

LOL! I never noticed that before. :)

Does anyone else think Paul's long sentences are funny sometimes? Sometimes by the time I've gotten to the end of Eph. 3:14 I'm laughing pretty hard. I don't know...it just seems funny that he keeps getting "side tracked" in a way...

Oh yes…I read chapter 3 and am like, "wait, wait, what!?? Did he even get back to the point??!"

Yeah, Jonah is really funny.

I found it pretty funny in 2011 when we were studying 1 Peter that at the end he says "I have written briefly"…..

Yup!!!!

I love the end of 2nd Peter where he talks about how Paul writes some things hard to understand…MAJOR UNDERSTATEMENT, PETER!

I KNOW!!!!! And some of the things Peter wrote weren't exactly easy to understand either….

Exactly!!!!!

Totally agree with all of you. :D I never really realized how funny some of those things are… :D

I remembered earlier today a funny thing from the Bible that I was going to come on here and share with you all, but I forget it! I'll have to come back later when I remember…

2 Corinthians 12:13 & 16 make me laugh.
13 How were you inferior to the other churches, except that I was never a burden to you? Forgive me this wrong!
16 Be that as it may, I have never been a burden to you. But, crafty fellow that I am, I caught you by trickery!

Romans 7:15, 16, 19, & 20
I do not understand what I do. For what I do I do not want to do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

Biblical tongue-twisters. Say that five times fast! Actually, say it once without laughing!

Judges 5:27
At her feet he sank,
he fell; there he lay.
At her feet he sank, he fell;
where he sank, there he fell–dead.

Oh.

And that part of Romans seven always makes me smile. You can just hear the frustration!

A Bible Bee verse I always find funny is John 8:24-25. Jesus has been explaining things to the Pharisees and Jews and finally wraps up… John 8:24 Therefore I said to you that you will die in your sins; for if you do not believe that I am He, you will die in your sins.”

And it's like they haven't heard a WORD he's been saying!!

John 8:25 Then they said to Him, “Who are You?” And Jesus said to them, “Just what I have been saying to you from the beginning."

This one is so fun to say out loud. I always give the Jew's question a clueless tone, and I'm afraid Jesus usually sounds rather exasperated when I say it…

I never noticed that one. Now that I look at it though, that is really funny!

Proverbs 27:14 He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, it shall be counted a curse to him.

That was actually quoted somewhere and I had to look it up because I didn't believe them :P

YES!! When we read them in the Bible I always read it like "Which all are to perish with the using smiley face" :P

Ephesians 5:9 has one of those too! :P

and so does 1 John 1:2 :)

I like Proverbs 11:22.

And?

looks it up Okay, I see what you're saying. Haha :)