Humorous Bible Quotations

I really like 1 Samuel 5:2-4. It makes me laugh every. Single. Time. PLEASE don't tell me God doesn't have a sense of humor! :-D

My cousin, who loves to sleep in BTW, tweeted something like this one morning: "for he grants sleep to those he loves. ~ Psalm 127:2" (Just a little out of context, I guess!)

I always thought Judges 6:11-12 was funny. Gideon is threshing wheat, but he's doing it in a very strange place - the winepress. He wants it to be hidden from the Midianites, apparently. Then this guy comes up to him and says "Hail, mighty man of valor!" No wonder Gideon thought he had the wrong guy! :P

Who don't like to sleep?

It's not sleeping, it's sleeping IN that's the problem

Take a look at Ezekiel 21:16- don't read the context, at first, and then tell what you think! :D

i dont know weather or not someone has already mentioned this one, but my favorite is
"bodily exercise profiteth little"

Huh. The verse by itself sure doesn't sound like a sword in the KJV. (I looked at NIV though and it was obvious.)

Haha! The translators missed the one little letter a!

Have any other Seniors accidentally said at the end of the Nehemiah 9:16-21 passage: "Forty years You sustained them in the wilderness; They lacked nothing; Their clothes did not wear out and their feet did not smell."?

LOL! Nope, not yet.

Lol!

No, but I've come close. :D LOL (BTW, it was nice meeting you at Nationals. Good thing we had to stand by each other in line, or I might never have talked to you. :P [Not because I might not have seen you, but because I'm too much of a wimp to approach a girl and talk to her, no matter how well I know her. :P])

Proverbs 21:9 - It is better to dwell in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman (NASB). This verse isn't exactly humorous of itself, but my friend Phillip got asked it in Senior Semi-Finals a few days ago, and it was a little awkward to quote for competition. He had the most hilarious face expression when he got through! The whole auditorium burst out laughing! LOL

He's my good friend too, since we've sat close to each other at Nationals for three years (since our last names are close to each other alphabetically), and it took a while for me to stop laughing after he made that face. xD

We didn't exactly meet; I know what you mean. Like you said, it was more like forced contact. Fellow martyrs waiting our extremely delayed doom.

I suppose so. We kinda just assumed the other knew who we were, and did a little small talk. :) And yes, our doom was extremely delayed… :P

(Oops… should I be using emoticons in your presence? Oh well, I will anyway. ;P)

(BTW, maybe you should change your username now? ;D)

Yes. Small talk about it being very nice outside, and that the sun probably go down before we were released from our captivity.

(Better? I changed it to Absent right before the Bible Bee as a reminder to myself. I probably will continue not to be on much, but I got my wisdom teeth out today, so I am not allowed a lot of action.)

And, of course, how it would lower the competition if the light fixture above us came crashing down and killed a few people. (Sorry, I couldn't help but mention that. :P)

Ouch, I know what it's like to have teeth pulled. I hope the pain doesn't last too long. :)

Oh, yes: health. We really were doing small talk. Both health and weather!

Proverbs 21:9 - It is better to dwell in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman (NASB). This verse isn't exactly humorous of itself, but my friend Phillip got asked it in Senior Semi-Finals a few days ago, and it was a little awkward to quote for competition. He had the most hilarious face expression when he got through! The whole auditorium burst out laughing! LOL

Courtney and I looked at each other once soon after that, and decided it wouldn't be a good idea, as it sent us into gales of smothered laughter all over again.

And, of course, how it would lower the competition if the light fixture above us came crashing down and killed a few people. (Sorry, I couldn't help but mention that. :P) Ouch, I know what it's like to have teeth pulled. I hope the pain doesn't last too long. :)

you guys seriously talked about that?? LOL

Are you really that surprised?

when Phillip recited that verse, he looked into the audience, and I had this terrible thought that he was looking at like his sister or something……idk if he has a sister though…LOL

LOL!!!! :) Bethany and I were sitting with the A's and when he quoted that verse we all looked at each other and tried hard not to laugh! :)

Joshua 1:16-17 "And they answered Joshua, saying, All that thou commandest us we will do, and whithersoever thou sendest us, we will go. According as we hearkened unto Moses in all things, so will we hearken unto thee: only the LORD thy God be with thee, as he was with Moses."

I kinda wonder how that made Joshua feel to have the Israelites tell him they'd listen to him just like the did to Moses… :-/ :P

That's exactly what my friend said once; but I don't see how this would be disconcerting to Joshua. These were the children of the Israelites who were rebellious and disobedient to God and Moses; not the people themselves. So really, they probably obeyed Moses pretty well! ;D

I think that every time I read the passage! Nicolas does have a point though…

Luke 2:16 – And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. KJV.
Every time I read this I laugh - it sounds like they are all lying in the manger :P Maybe it's just me, but I find that funny =D

Deliberating whether to put "Ditto" or -"IRK"- "IKR" in response to this post… :P Anyhow, I'm posting my agreement! LOL

Yeah, I mean, how big must that manger have been??? :D

This one always gets me (when it's KJV, anyway) - "Surely by now he stinketh!"

Proverbs 21:9 - It is better to dwell in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman (NASB). This verse isn't exactly humorous of itself, but my friend Phillip got asked it in Senior Semi-Finals a few days ago, and it was a little awkward to quote for competition. He had the most hilarious face expression when he got through! The whole auditorium burst out laughing! LOL

(Sorry, I just saw this. :D) We were watching it on our computer at home, and when he made that face my dad and I just totally cracked up! Stefani - I was wondering the same thing. :P :D

In my daily Bible reading recently, I ran across this verse that literally made me laugh out loud. (Disclaimer: I was alone in the room, or I probably would have restrained myself. :P) Psalm 7:15: [referring to David's enemy] He made a pit, and digged it, and is fallen into the ditch which he made."

laughs

That's exactly what my friend said once; but I don't see how this would be disconcerting to Joshua. These were the _children_ of the Israelites who were rebellious and disobedient to God and Moses; not the people themselves. So really, they probably obeyed Moses pretty well! ;D

^sorry I didn't reply sooner :}^ Yeah, I'm sure they did, especially sense the next verse says they'd be put to death if they didn't. :P

Proverbs 24:13– My son, eat honey, for it is good, and the drippings of the honeycomb are sweet to your taste.

I think I may have found a new favorite Proverb! :-P

I wish it said – My son, eat maple syrup, for it is good, and the drippings of the maple tree are sweet to your taste. :D

But it must be balanced with other scriptures such as Pro 25:16 "Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it. " and verse 27a "It is not good to eat much honey:" Lol! :P

Me too! I like maple syrup way better than honey. :-D

I wish it said -- My son, eat maple syrup, for it is good, and the drippings of the maple tree are sweet to your taste. :D

Amen! I don't like honey at all. :P

I wish it said -- My son, eat maple syrup, for it is good, and the drippings of the maple tree are sweet to your taste. :D

Amen! I don't like honey at all. :P

I don't like honey at all either!

I don't like maple syrup very much… :P

So you don't like syrup OR pancakes?! facedesk You're hopeless. :P

So you don't like syrup OR pancakes?! *facedesk*

I like honey. Not as much as syrup, but I still like it. :)

You perverted my comment!!

I did - for I do not think Emily is hopeless.

haha, yeah, I know xP

EDIT: Thanks Rosie:):) lol

Well, I do think that Emily is hopeless. xP

How rude.