Humorous Bible Quotations

'Twas a joke, and she knows it! Uh… I hope. :P

I wish it said -- My son, eat maple syrup, for it is good, and the drippings of the maple tree are sweet to your taste. :D

Amen! I don't like honey at all. :P

I don't like honey at all either!

Seems ta me that some parts of the earth only receive china-honey tainted(no real offence meant to the Chinese, or plastic bears) stale plastic bear bottled honey, and not the stuff that comes out of the beautiful honey-combs made by bees working off of rich fields of fragrant Alaskan fireweed blossoms.

Or Ohio honey from my bees!

sure, that too.

From John chapter four, verses 31-33

Meanwhile the disciples were urging him, saying, "Rabbi, eat."
But he said to them, "I have food to eat that you do not know about."
So the disciples said to one another, "Has anyone brought him something to eat?"

About a year ago I wrote a blog post on the contrasts between Jonah chapter 2 and learning how to swim. It was kind of humorous especially if (like myself) you did not particularly enjoy the process of learning the art of swimming.

http://whereareyoureading.blogspot.com/2013/01/jonah-and-swimming.html

I always wondered why the chief priests told the guards who were supposed to be guarding the tomb that the disciples stole Jesus' body while they were asleep; after all, they weren't exactly supposed to be sleeping in the job!

Genesis 24:47
… So I put the ring on her nose…. That just sounded kinda funny when I read it for the first time. :)

I think it's funny how in…Isaiah or Jeremiah somewhere…God is making fun of a man who cuts down a tree. Then he uses half of it to cook his supper, and the rest he carves into an idol. Then he bows down to the idol, saying "Save me! You are my god."

Haha, yeah, that passage is really funny xP

Genesis 36:24 "And these are the children of Zibeon; both Ajah, and Anah: this was that Anah that found the mules in the wilderness, as he fed the asses of Zibeon his father."

Oh, that Anah.

Genesis 24:47 ... So I put the ring on her nose.... That just sounded kinda funny when I read it for the first time. :)

So what I said on the TD forum 'Christians and Makeup/jewelry isn't as weird as everyone thought.

Genesis 36:24 "And these are the children of Zibeon; both Ajah, and Anah: this was that Anah that found the mules in the wilderness, as he fed the asses of Zibeon his father." Oh, _that_ Anah.

Hahaha!

2 Samuel 9:2 And there was a servant of the house of Saul whose name was Ziba. So when they had called him to David, the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” He said, “At your service!”

Judges 10:4 And he had thirty sons that rode on thirty ass colts, and they had thirty cities, which are called Havothjair unto this day, which are in the land of Gilead.

I don't know…that's just really funny to me. xP

I understand.

Judges 10:4 And he had thirty sons that rode on thirty ass colts, and they had thirty cities, which are called Havothjair unto this day, which are in the land of Gilead. I don't know...that's just really funny to me. xP

Having a donkey was a sign of wealth at that time. ;)

Judges 10:4 And he had thirty sons that rode on thirty ass colts, and they had thirty cities, which are called Havothjair unto this day, which are in the land of Gilead. I don't know...that's just really funny to me. xP

Having a donkey was a sign of wealth at that time. ;)

Interesting, I did not know that! ^But it's still funny xP xP^

1 Kings 15:15 He (Asa) also brought into the house of the LORD the things which his father had dedicated, and the things which he himself had dedicated: silver and gold and utensils.

I don't know if this strikes anyone else as funny, but I got this mental picture of Asa dedicating a spatula.

1 Kings 15:12-13 And he banished the perverted persons from the land, and removed all the idols that his fathers had made.
Also he removed Maachah his grandmother from being queen mother, because she had made an obscene image of Asherah. And Asa cut down her obscene image and burned it by the Brook Kidron.

Anyone else get wishful thinking when reading this verse about taking similar extreme measures the next time you perceive an "obscene image"?

Yes!! I do!!

"…the foolishness of fools is folly." -Prov. 14:24 KJV

"And the worm smote the gourd, that it withered."

1 Kings 22:8 And the king of Israel said unto Jehoshaphat, There is yet one man, Micaiah the son of Imlah, by whom we may enquire of the LORD: but I hate him; for he doth not prophesy good concerning me, but evil. And Jehoshaphat said, Let not the king say so.

"…At Your rebuke, O LORD, At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils." ~ Psalm 18:15b

I can't imagine blasting breath out of my nostrils. xD

Maybe this is one of those times when "anger" could be used instead of "nostrils"?

A paraphrase of when Elijah had some fun with the prophets of Baal:

Well, ya'll just need to scream your head off louder! Baal is a god, after all! Hmmm… maybe he's studying; maybe he's on vacation, maybe he's going potty; or maybe he's pitching a catnap and you need to wake him up!

I think it's funny how in...Isaiah or Jeremiah somewhere...God is making fun of a man who cuts down a tree. Then he uses half of it to cook his supper, and the rest he carves into an idol. Then he bows down to the idol, saying "Save me! You are my god."

I'm hacking away at a tree with an axe. "Timberrrrrrrrrr!" It falls to the ground. I saw it in half. One half I mostly split up into firewood and throw it on a pile in my backyard, and I also cut off a few long, thin sticks from it and sharpen the ends. Then, in the cozy warmth of the fire, I take the other half, get out my knife, and carve the most terrifying face I can imagine, so I will fear it. Then I set up the statue near the pile of firewood, put some hot dogs and marshmallows on the thin sticks and toast them. Before eating, I bow down to the statue I made and say "Thank you, god for this food you have provided… with your other half. You own me; I am your creation… or wait–is it the other way around? Well, anyway, god, keep taking care of me as you always have!"

A paraphrase of when Elijah had some fun with the prophets of Baal: Well, ya'll just need to scream your head off louder! Baal is a god, after all! Hmmm... maybe he's studying; maybe he's on vacation, maybe he's going potty; or maybe he's pitching a catnap and you need to wake him up!

Hahahaha!! I like that part!

Haha!

I don't know why, but I find the "smiley face" in this verse humorous xD

"When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants knew which drew the water knew;)… :P :P
John 2:9a

See the sad face too? :P

Bahahaha!!! :D ;P

@Rachel: Wow, that is funny. I never would've noticed that. xD

Ecclesiastes 10:2
"A wise man's heart is at his right hand, but a fool's heart at his left."

I think the writer has something against people who are left-handed. XD

Everyone's hearts are on their left, though!

Isaiah 14:8
"Yea, the fir trees rejoice at thee, and the cedars of Lebanon, saying, Since thou art laid down, no feller is come up against us."

"The bless is lest of the better…The less is blessed of the letter…The lest is blessed of the better…"
"The thons of thunder…The sons of sunder…the thons of sunder…"

Did they purposely find the most tongue-tying verses??? =P

Jeremiah 30:6
Ask now, and see,
can a man bear a child?
Why then do I see every man
with his hands on his stomach like a woman in labor?
Why has every face turned pale?

Haha, so I'm not the only one who has found this verse kind of funny… xD

Yeah :P I recited it to my mom and she laughed really hard. I blame my mistake on the next verse on her ^jk^ XD

LOL! xP

I don't know why I giggled when I read this verse, but anyways. :P

And if he smite out his manservant's tooth, or his maidservant's tooth; he shall let him go free for his tooth's sake. Exodus 21:27

Whenever I'm playing Sword Drill with my brothers, I always choose this verse:

Surely I am too stupid to be a man; I have not the understanding of a man.
Proverbs 30:2

In our house we aren't allowed to say stupid :P

LOL! That is pretty funny! :)

COME JOIN ME ON SC!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whenever I'm playing Sword Drill with my brothers, I always choose this verse: _Surely I am too stupid to be a man; I have not the understanding of a man. Proverbs 30:2_ In our house we aren't allowed to say stupid :P

Oh, Proverbs 30:1-4! What a passage! I recited it in my oral round at Nationals in 2013, and I actually laughed out loud! I'm probably the only one who would laugh in their oral round!

Whenever I'm playing Sword Drill with my brothers, I always choose this verse: _Surely I am too stupid to be a man; I have not the understanding of a man. Proverbs 30:2_ In our house we aren't allowed to say stupid :P

Oh, Proverbs 30:1-4! What a passage! I recited it in my oral round at Nationals in 2013, and I actually laughed out loud! I'm probably the only one who would laugh in their oral round!

LOL, yeah!

Psalm 35:7
"For without cause they have hidden their net for me in a pit,
Which they have dug without cause for my life."

For some reason this verse seems really funny…like a little over the top. Not only do "they" dig a pit for the Psalmist to fall into and die, but then they put a net in the bottom to catch him? This is just adding insult to injury, and David is justifiably indignant.

Mark 9:5-6 - And Peter answered and said to Jesus, Master, it is good for us to be here: and let us make three tabernacles; one for thee, and one for Moses, and one for Elias. For he wist not what to say; for they were sore afraid.

I've heard before that Peter "didn't know what to say, so he said something", but I didn't know it was actually Biblical until I read this. xD

Thomas – "Hey everybody, let's go die!" (John 11:16)

Jeremiah 24:2 (KJV) - One basket had very good figs, even like the figs that are first ripe: and the other basket had very naughty figs, which could not be eaten, they were so bad.

Naughty, naughty figs! xP