Dating vs Courtship.

Would you feel especially comfortable have a deep talk, knowing that someone's watching you? But, I still'd have to agree with you. I know I'm gonna be doing that with my sis! Along with my throwing knives…….

Once or twice when I was having trouble being attracted to a certain guy, Mama advised me that I should, every time I was tempted with those thoughts, pray for that certain young man by name. She said maybe Satan would think twice about tempting me with the wrong thoughts if he knew that every time he did, it would cause me to pray about it.

In your example of a prayer, "Lord, if it is Your will please turn the heart of So-and-So toward mine", I'd say it mostly depends on how old the girl was and if she was ready for marriage. I would personally rather pray for the young man's character to be further developed, because if it is God's will for me to marry a certain person, He will turn his heart towards me without anyone else worrying about it.

I like your mother’s suggestion! That is a very wise idea… in fact that is what I do often. :)

Good point! Also, in the example prayer I gave, the girl could appear a bit selfish if it does not happen to be God’s will, don’t you think?

But what if we are just talking about normal guy/girl relationships… how do you keep them from drifting into romances with out trying to? Some times one person thinks there is more to a friendship or gesture then is really intended by the other person.
edit: once again… these questions of mine are just to encourage discussion. :)

Yes, I think so.

But what if we are just talking about normal guy/girl relationships… how do you keep them from drifting into romances with out trying to? Some times one person thinks there is more to a friendship or gesture then is really intended by the other person.

Q-Tip. Quit. Taking. It. Personally. If you're freaking out over something someone did to you, take a step back and look at the whole situation. Does what they did really have the implications you're associating it with, or are you coloring their actions with your emotions and desires?

But what if we are just talking about normal guy/girl relationships… how do you keep them from drifting into romances with out trying to? Some times one person thinks there is more to a friendship or gesture then is really intended by the other person.

Q-Tip. Quit. Taking. It. Personally. If you're freaking out over something someone did to you, take a step back and look at the whole situation. Does what they did really have the implications you're associating it with, or are you coloring their actions with your emotions and desires?

Ditto!

Once or twice when I was having trouble being attracted to a certain guy, Mama advised me that I should, every time I was tempted with those thoughts, pray for that certain young man by name. She said maybe Satan would think twice about tempting me with the wrong thoughts if he knew that every time he did, it would cause me to pray about it. I would personally rather pray for the young man's character to be further developed, because if it is God's will for me to marry a certain person, He will turn his heart towards me without anyone else worrying about it.

My thoughts as well! I was going to say about the same thing.

Okay, before saying anything I would like to make something clear… Since the majority of us on Memverse are probably not ready to seriously consider courtship or marriage with an individual yet, I am referring in this post exclusively to that age group.

So, the topic of boy/girl friendships has come up. I do think it is okay for members of the opposite sex to have close friendships. I have several female friends myself that would definitely qualify as being in my circle of close friends, and I am very thankful for them. (Some of them are on here :D) But let me define "close". First of all, with all friendships Christians should have in mind to treat each other like brothers and sisters in Christ. At this age, with the opposite sex, it is important to keep a certain amount of respectful distance. This "distance" includes the implicit understanding that romantic possibilities are not mindfully being considered. In other, more simple words, you are leading your heart, not letting it loose.
So, closer relationships than just "acquaintances", as Elusive Lady put it, are appropriate with the attitude of being brother and sister in Christ. Intimacy, however, must be reserved for 1) when you are older, and 2) the one God has in store for you, not anybody else. The Lord will lead you to the right one when the time comes.
Also, like Sam said, when you get close with a girl, you are intruding into dangerous territory. One thing I've learned to do in order to keep the "distance" is to treat every girl like another man's wife. Because, in reality, the vast majority of girls that you will encounter will belong to somebody else, either to their own husband or to God.

Okay, before saying anything I would like to make something clear... Since the majority of us on Memverse are probably not ready to seriously consider courtship or marriage *We are, of course* So, the topic of boy/girl friendships has come up. *Thanks to us* I do think it is okay for members of the opposite sex to have close friendships. I have several female friends myself _nudges you_ *aha, aha*........First of all, with all friendships Christians should have in mind to treat each other like brothers and sisters in Christ. *that's mean! We would never get married if we were to do that! not that we want to*..... This "distance" includes the implicit understanding that romantic possibilities are not mindfully being considered. In other, more simple words, you are leading your heart, not letting it loose. *letting your heart loose could result in some serious life-threatening injuries* One thing I've learned to do in order to keep the "distance" is to treat every girl like another man's wife. *HOLY JELLO! NO WRONG! Bad idea!*

I liked what you posted, I agree! It is also important for girls to look at guys in the same way (as someone eles’s husband). To often we forget that we are not our own, that we belong to God. As Christens our hearts are not really ours to give away like that.

@Deadpool……………..Thanks for trying anyhoo!

How young do y'all think a guy and girl can be to start courting?

I would not put an age to it. It is up to the parents. :) However I believe that in order to make the most wise decision a good age would be over 20. I myself would like to be married at 19, if the Lord so blesses me. But that is all in the Lord's hands! I'm so glad I don't have to worry about it! :)
I don't think the age matters so much as the maturity to make and be true to the decision (if you know what I mean).

I would not put an age to it. *It is up to the parents.* :) However I believe that in order to make the most wise decision a good age would be over 20. I myself would like to be married at 19, if the Lord so blesses me. But that is all in the Lord's hands! I'm so glad I don't have to worry about it! :) I don't think the age matters so much as the maturity to make and be true to the decision (if you know what I mean).

Okay.

I knew you would post something like that, Noah. O_o You have a valid point to make about the "brothers and sisters" part though. Maybe what I should have said was "how brothers and sisters should be treated". :P However, in the rest of your comments, I'm not sure what exactly you're trying to get across…

@Carissa: I believe that the question should not be "Am I old enough?" as much as "Am I mature enough?" Age obviously plays a factor. However, one person could be ready for marriage at 17, while another might not be ready until their mid-20s. I personally believe that late teens should be the earliest one would consider courtship and marriage, and only if the couple is prepared. But again, maturity is the most important factor.

Okay. Personally for me though it is an age question as well as a maturity question. I personally thibk that somebody should be at least 20 before they get married…even if they are mature emough before that. And if there are some people who aren't mature even by the time they are 20 then I think should wait longer and use that waiting time to improve their maturity and character level.

I agree with you that it is an age question at least partially… I don't think anyone on here would really recommend marrying at 15. There are many instances though, Carissa, where a person is ready for marriage at 18 or 19! Then there is really no reason to wait, if God brings them to the right person.

I see your point there. I used to want to get married at 17 or something, but now that I'm older, I'm seeing how that wouldn't really be wise. If I get married at a very young age, I won't have as much time during my single years to serve the Lord, and do things like short term mission trips, help my family, etc. On the other hand, I hope I'm married before 25. :-P :-)

I see your point.

Fair enough. :-P :)

I see your point there. I used to want to get married at 17 or something, but now that I'm older, I'm seeing how that wouldn't really be wise. *If* I get married at a very young age, I won't have as much time during my single years to serve the Lord, and do things like short term mission trips, help my family, etc. On the other hand, I *hope* I'm married before 25. :-P :-)

That is very wise! I would not discourage you from waiting! Your single years can be a huge blessing, and a gift when you use them to serve the Lord! :)

Lord willing, I want to have a big family someday, so I hope I get married fairly young, but I can see the advantage of waiting as well. Whatever God wills! :D

Thought: Don't fear singleness! Our single years can be some of the most fruitful times of service for the Lord (not like there isn't when you're married, but you get what I mean)! If it is the Lord's will for anyone to be single, it is not to make their lives miserable - being single can have just as many joys and blessings! I'd encourage girls to read books like Joyfully At Home, It's (Not That) Complicated and Before You Meet Prince Charming. These books are full of practical, and biblical insights regarding such matters, and have turned my perspective around completely!
"Marriage is an instrument God uses for His glory - but so is singleness, whether for a season or for a lifetime (1 Cor. 7)." ~ It's (Not That) Complicated

Another thought on singleness: [another from Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin's book]
"Ultimitely, we shouldn't be about trying to live in a manner worthy of a husband…but rather in a manner 'worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing to Him, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God.' Col. 1:10"

And regarding our years now? I would say: Treasure these years! Don't waste them sitting idle, waiting for "so and so" to come or whatever. Focus your mind now entirely on furthering the kingdom of God! Exhaust yourself for Christ! It will be so worth it!

[I realize that I am younger than pretty much all of you, so I hope I didn't sound like I'm trying to teach anybody. Just thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject]

Thank you for your thoughts, Rosie! Those were very good! Here's a passage from 1 Corinthians 7 - "The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife,"

I would tack onto what Rosie said, that while we are single, we should use these times to the utmost! The verse says that those who are married are anxious about worldly things "how to please his wife". These are times that we do not have huge responsibilities of a spouse to really be seeking hard after the Lord. We must not waste this time of our youth, but use it to the best possible way! Like Rosie said - Exhaust yourself for Christ! He is our everything! We give so much to be able to do a hobby….use all our spare time on that, get books about it, learn the most we can about it – we should be doing the same about this!

Bethany & Rosie: Girls! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! It is wonderful to converse with like-minded sisters. Rosie, I have read all those books and enjoyed them all thoroughly! The one I found most thought provoking was It’s (not that) Complicated. It was a wonderful book! Another book that I have read is Preparing to Be A Help Meet. I would encourage young girls to read these books with their mothers!
Bethany, thank you for expounding on 1 Cor. 7 passage! Which would you say is better, to be married or stay single?

"Which would you say is better, to be married or stay single?" That's totally up to the Lord! It is not a sin to get married, and then again…it's not a sin to stay single - if that is what the Lord is leading you to. Honestly, I can't answer that question, because it's totally up to what the Lord leads someone and their parents too.

Reading through the resent discussion here I was greatly uplifted to see how many of you hold to the conviction that young men and woman (even in there late teens) should honor their parents. I agree, that is an chief key that is sadly rejected by our society.

Exodus 20:12- “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

Keep growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ!

Yes - I believe that God gives our parents incredible insight that we could never see. Especially in guy/girl relationships, we are liable to be blinded by our attraction to them and not give enough thought to what it could cost us did we get into a relationship with them. (I haven't had this experience, but I know it's true. :) Even after we get married, I think we should highly value the counsel of our parents as special insight given to them by God for our good.

Bethany & Sarah: Those are very good thoughts, both of you!
And as Bethany said, that is a hard question…I've thought a lot about it before, but haven't ever found a good answer. Though, I haven't really asked anyone, so that might be the problem… :}

*I have an honest question for the older girls on here.* Boys can give their opinions as well but please remember that I am *not* asking for a bunch of inappropriate comments. Do you think it is right for young girls to pray for a particular young man? In other words is it appropriate for a girl to pray something like this, “Lord, if it is Your will please turn the heart of So-and-So’s heart toward me.” (Prov. 21:1, Matt. 7:7) Is it right to pray for your future husband by name? Is that having “faith” or is that just “brash and inappropriate”? Edit: Just so you know, I was not asking this question for myself really. It was for discussion and encouraging purposes. :) Thanks!

I don't think there is anything wrong with praying for boys. The bible tells us to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ. Praying that they would like you is a little extreme…(and probably not a good idea..)

Would you feel especially comfortable have a deep talk, knowing that someone's watching you? But, I still'd have to agree with you. I know I'm gonna be doing that with my sis! Along with my throwing knives.......

Gosh, you sound like my older brothers :P

1.) Either you go through life not even thinking about your future partner at all so as not to get up any hopes. You scorn all “fancies” and shut out guys as much as you can!

probably a bad idea if you ever do want to get married........

2.) Or you’re a flirt and you don’t care. You could go around braking hearts left and right. Perhaps you’ll get yourself a heartbreak and live a life of morning ever more…anyway you end up getting married with a lot more baggage then you’d want to admit.

Even worse idea... :P and honestly.. most girls I see that flirt with guys... I just feel like slapping them! like 'hello?! do you know what you look like???' I have to admit I can get careless in that area sometimes, and sometimes you don't realize it till later and you feel like smacking yourself. :P

3.) Or you could treat boys all the same. Pray for every boy that comes in your path, and treat them as your own brother(s) (btw, you should be good to your brothers because they might just to be someone else’s “Prince Charming”).

probably the best idea so far...but just be honest... there is ALWAYS going to be guys that you like better than other guys.

1.) Either you go through life not even thinking about your future partner at all so as not to get up any hopes. You scorn all “fancies” and shut out guys as much as you can!

probably a bad idea if you ever do want to get married........

2.) Or you’re a flirt and you don’t care. You could go around braking hearts left and right. Perhaps you’ll get yourself a heartbreak and live a life of morning ever more…anyway you end up getting married with a lot more baggage then you’d want to admit.

Even worse idea... :P and honestly.. most girls I see that flirt with guys... I just feel like slapping them! like 'hello?! do you know what you look like???' I have to admit I can get careless in that area sometimes, and sometimes you don't realize it till later and you feel like smacking yourself. :P

3.) Or you could treat boys all the same. Pray for every boy that comes in your path, and treat them as your own brother(s) (btw, you should be good to your brothers because they might just to be someone else’s “Prince Charming”).

probably the best idea so far...but just be honest... there is ALWAYS going to be guys that you like better than other guys.

I suppose you're speaking from experience?

yeah. I am. :P

Is it right/proper for girls and guys to tease/joke and talk about marriage boy/girlfriends and love on the MV forums? Why or why not?

It's funny. When I saw you and Sarah talking about your covert communique, I thought this would be the topic. Good to know I'm as smart as I hope I am.

Also, don't think I don't know what this is. A better question is, should guys and girls tease each other at all? My answer: yes. Don't expect me to change anything, FYI.

We don't expect you to change, Sam. I just thought the question should be asked. I think you (and everyone here) should consider it, at least.

I don't see what's wrong with it.

No, teasing in general wasn't my question. It was teasing about that sort of stuff. What do you think?

No, teasing in general wasn't my question. It was teasing about that sort of stuff. What do you think?

Why should it be different?

Why is it not wrong?

Asking me that question is redundant, as you know what my answer is.

No, teasing in general wasn't my question. It was teasing about that sort of stuff. What do you think?

Why should it be different?

Because it is. Sam teasing me about my height is different than Sam teasing me about Christian.

facedesk

There are some things that just aren't right to think about a lot at young ages, and I think us Mvers talk and joke about those things too much.

No, teasing in general wasn't my question. It was teasing about that sort of stuff. What do you think?

Why should it be different?

Because it is. Sam teasing me about my height is different than Sam teasing me about Christian.

No not really, its all just Sam teasing.
I've been teased by Sam about a boy.

No, teasing in general wasn't my question. It was teasing about that sort of stuff. What do you think?

Why should it be different?

Because it is. Sam teasing me about my height is different than Sam teasing me about Christian.

No not really, its all just Sam teasing. I've been teased by Sam about a boy.

But it's teasing about two different things. One is totally fine…but the other, some people might think is inappropiate.

Yea,some people, not us!

Mmkay.

I'm curious what the M's, A's and Seth will say…